THAT moment!

"We don't get to choose our broken moments."

...is a quote I heard once. I can't even really tell you who said it, but it has stuck with me and remained at the forefront of my mind the last few weeks.

The stigma of brokenness drifts away the more you press into Christ. I've learned that brokenness, in its absolute state, is actually something to rejoice about. The exact moment where you lose everything and anything, including yourself, and you just aren't sure why all this pain and anguish is being heaped upon you - it may appear as though it just won't stop coming, like a flood of havoc in your life.....THAT moment, that exact moment of complete and utter emptiness is actually a glorious moment. Sounds crazy, right?

When you lose it all, including yourself, it actually allows you to find yourself - in Christ.

When I was in Cambodia, there was a 16 year old girl named Srey Mom Ly whom I befriended. Srey Mom grew up without a father and came from an incredibly tumultuous family life. Her family was extremely poor, could not afford to keep her and gave her over to an orphanage at a young age. This young woman impacted my life in a remarkable way, and watered God's seeds in my own life - and she may not even ever realize it. Srey Mom is incredibly bright and has aspirations to become a doctor, and is well on her way to doing so. Srey Mom would even humble herself and pray for the family members that abandoned her. She would pray for them to come to know Christ, for the love of Jesus to change their hearts, and for God to bless her studies so that she may help others, including her family.

When I first met Srey Mom, the first question she asked me was, "So, why do you believe in God?" This young woman left me dumbfounded, partially in the fact she asked such a deep question and additionally in that I had to really think through my answer. Srey Mom also asked this question to another team member who had a more profound answer that has not left my mind since. When asked, "So, why do you believe in God?" our team member's answer was, "...because I have no where else to go." Wow. This answer, wreaks of complete brokenness.

I thought if I had ever hit a point where I felt like I had no where else to go. I looked over events in my walk with the Lord and identified two main points in my life where I had felt completely and truly broken. The difference between the two, is that in the first one - I was not walking with the Lord. I sure thought I was, but had absolutely no clue what it truly meant or looked like, to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Sure, I went to church,prayed here and there, read the bible occasionally, but a relationship with Jesus was not reflected in the way I was living my life at all. The second point of brokenness is when I did know Jesus in a much more intimate way. That second point of brokenness is one that God allowed to empty me of myself and fill me with Himself. In both points, I had "no where else to go." The difference: in the second point of brokenness, I chose to go to God - instead of myself, or something worse.

Without question, during both times, there were days when I just wasn't sure how I would make it through. I now know that regardless of whether I was acknowledging Him or not, Jesus was carrying me. He was right there the entire time with magnificent open arms. Now that I know they are there, all the time, there is no better feeling than to embrace and be wrapped in the loving arms of Jesus Christ. It moves your heart, it changes your heart to be more like His. In brokenness, it has been emptied....let Him fill it.

I look back at the incredibly difficult times with thankfulness. "Thank you, dear amazing Father, for giving me times of complete brokenness, to rid me of myself and fill me with you," is often my prayer. In the moments I had nothing and "no where else to go," God was doing His mighty work and blessing me with unshakable identity in Him. This doesn't mean there will not be broken times ahead, in fact, I would be surprised if there were not more broken times to come. However, increasing who I am in Him just means I now know where to go when brokenness comes - God. After all, "we do not get to choose our broken moments."

Have you ever experienced true brokenness? If so, where did you turn? If you are in a state of brokenness right now, I strongly encourage you to seek our heavenly Father. Let Him wrap His loving arms around you. Know that He is carrying you. He is using this time in your life to empty you, so you can become more like Him. Complete in Him, which is such a beautiful witness of who He is in your life. Resist the temptation to turn to anything else but God, as anything else in comparison to our beloved Creator is just a cheap, temporary imitation. Our amazing Lord wants to reveal Himself in you, especially in those moments of brokenness that often hurt so badly. Let Him love you.

He must become greater; I must become less. - John 3:30. NIV

I know you can do this, just ask Him. Our heavenly Father sent His only Son to die for you, that's how much He loves you. Do you really think He would not answer you? I know God will prepare your heart for how He will answer you, I am praying for you!

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Kay