Who Doesn't Love Cancer Humor?!

If you know me, you know one of the many ways I try to make enduring cancer is to simply laugh.  Sometimes the whole thing can be so intense, serious, and so "life or death" that I love an opportunity to turn it into a lighthearted exchange with lots of humor.  At first people may think I have an entirely warped sense of humor, but I truly try to use it to put people at ease - especially those around me.  I've learned that at my age, no one is really used to dealing with people who have cancer.  And we shouldn't be.  We're young; we're not swapping our favorite brands of wheelchairs, exchanging recipes of Metamucil milkshakes, and fencing with our canes in the aisles at the grocery store.  Not yet.  So, when you have loads of people around you, who have no earthly idea what to say when they find out you have "the Big C" - it can make for some hilarious stories!  I have to say, 99% of the time, I'm not offended by ill-thought-out comments or questions at all.  No one really knows the art of dealing with cancer, including myself.  I don't know what to say half the time, so I certainly cannot expect everyone else to have the perfect thing to say.  We're all human, and sometimes that is just hilarious. 

Anyhow, by popular demand, I've come up with a "Top Ten" list of things people have said to me since I've been diagnosed that I find absolutely HILARIOUS!  And I hope it tickles your funny bone, and puts you at ease as you weather this whole cancer thing with me.  These are ACTUAL comments and questions people have said to me, I swear I am not making it up, not one bit.  (Of course, I've held the names, so no one gets embarassed or feels "outed")  I absolutely recognize that every person in my life, including those who have said the below statements, have only the best intentions and it all normally comes from a caring heart.  But my goodness, sometimes it just comes out not how we put it all together in our heads!  Haha!  Without further delay, I give you the "Top Ten" list in unranked order:

1)  "What?!  You have melanoma cancer?!  My grandmother DIED of that!"

2)  Guy making conversation at social event the week I was diagnosed:  "So what is one challenging thing that happened to you this past week?"
Me:  "Well, I was diagnosed with cancer."
Guy:  (awkward silence) "Wow, that sucks."

3)  "You know, you should really tell more people that you have SKIN cancer and not regular cancer.  When you tell people that you have cancer, it just sounds so much more serious.  I mean, I was really worried when you said you had cancer, but skin cancer isn't that serious."

4)  (all from different people)  "Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the Alkaline diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the phytoplankton diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the Vitamin C diet?  You don't need chemotherapy, too many chemicals.  Just take 10 vitamin Cs, it's the same thing."
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you ever tried holistic medicine?  There is a guy I know at a clinic in Minnesota, you should call him."
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"You know, if you just eat right, you won't need your doctors, or any drugs."
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you tried eating kale?"
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"

5)  "So, what else is new?"

6)  "Well, yeah!  They should let you work from home, I mean, you're like, DYING in your cubicle!"

7)  (after discussing the fatigue and side effects from chemo drugs)  "You know, I watch a lot of Oprah.  She says if you just tell yourself you're not tired, then you won't be tired.  You should just try it!"

8)  "It can't be that bad, I mean, you still have your hair!"

9)  (after hearing I was diagnosed)  "Oh I know exactly how you feel, I was diagnosed with a Urinary Tract Infection."

10)  "You need to make friends with PET/CT scanner.  Touch it, and talk to it." (said with a straight face!)

BONUS:  "So what are your odds?"
"So how long do you have to live?"
"So what are your chances?"

Ok, yes, these are all ACTUAL things people have said, totally straight face.  Haha!  Hilarious, I love it.  It makes for the best stories, and keeps me laughing and smiling throughout this whole thing.  I hope you find them as funny as I do! 

As far as a medical update, I spent most of Saturday in the emergency room.  Yes, that's right.  No fun.  You see, when I get a "cold" or a little sinus infection, it's actually a big deal.  Because I'm still on cancer treatment drugs, an infection has the potential to legitimately kill me if I'm not careful.  This is because my white blood cell count is usually low, and I cannot fight infections like everyone else.  I have an upper respiratory infection, but oddly, it has come with a lot of nausea and I'm struggling to keep food/fluids down in my system.  I was awake most of last night hugging a Gatorade bottle, and watching HGTV (that's Home & Garden Television for everyone back home....I have niether Home nor Garden, but it's fun to watch!).  I should be an expert at remodeling kitchens by the time treatment is over, there's an upside!  Next steps are to visit my oncologist tomorrow, and see what we can do.  I'm already on anti-nausea medications, and I can't just go to CVS or Walgreens to use over-the-counter drugs.  Because I'm on so many different perscription drugs right now, if you mix it with some OTCs, it can cause anything from hallucinations to seizures.  This is why every single time I go to the doctor, they have to ask me what perscription medication I'm taking - even if they think it has not changed.  We'll see what they want to do tomorrow.  I'd love a break from the medication, but it would also keep me on a treatment plan that much longer - which I want off of all of it as soon as possible.

I'm very thankful for everyone's prayers, without them, this entire experience would be much more traumatic and unbearable.  I have some of the best girlfriends anyone could ask for, seriously.  I'm thankful I have friends that will sit with me and watch Soul Surfer about 28723 times, and bring over food.  And especially SO thankful for friends who put up with my terrible memory in this season of my life.  I seem to forget everything.  Oh, and I almost forgot, also.....   I've started losing my hair.  Saturday night, a handful came out.  There goes the neighborhood!  It's really ok, I think what scared me at the time was how easy it just comes out.  I may lose more, I may not lose anymore from this point forward.  There is no certainty.  I'm young, so that helps, but each person's body handles chemotherapy drugs differently, so I'm just not sure.  It's just hair, at the end of the day.  I'm incredibly grateful for everyone's support, it all can be emotionally exhausting.  102 more injections to go!

God has been so gracious, and I'm incredibly thankful for my local church as well.  Every time I turn around, I hear of someone praying for me - and wanting to visit.  It's very sweet, and God is continuously showing me that I need to let myself be cared for in this season.  It's not easy, I'm the one used to serving others - not the other way around.  I'm excited to see what my life will be like when all of this is behind me someday, and I pray I look more like Christ, and less like the girl who answered a phone call to change her life on September 25.  Can you believe it's been six months?!

Sometimes Google Is Not Your Friend

Today I did something no cancer patient should probably do....I looked up news articles about my illness.  I know some folks out there think "knowledge is power" and educating yourself about every facet of your illness is the best thing you can do.  However, I tend to disagree.  In my experience, the desperate grasp for knowledge is an action we often take out of our own fear, and from fear we get our desire to take control.  We like to feel in control.  Everything "feels" safer when we are in control, nothing and no one can hurt us if we are in control - or so we think.  It's all an illusion though, and I tend to believe we'd be much healthier, and much happier, if we recognize that we are not necessarily in control of our circumstances and no amount of knowledge will help us be more in control, even if it is about your own illness.  We do serve the One who is in control, and only He can satisfy.  There is no reason to fear;  there is no reason to panic and desperately let your mind take you on an online wild goose chase when your future is secure in Christ Himself.

Today I perused articles about patients dying from melanoma;  research from top doctors explaining different treatments, foods, medicines that "may" reduce the risk of melanoma; and also the usual human interest stories of "would have, could have, should have" statements.  It was enough to make anyone cry.  My fear was setting in, but then I realized, why am I doing this to myself?  Whether I have one more day or one thousand more days, it shouldn't necessarily change how I want to live my life.  Each day I have is a gift, and I desperately want my life to count for Jesus Christ.  He has numbered my days for His purpose, and I can rest in that.

Lately, I do confess that my days feel more like I'm tolerating them than a gift.  The side effects can be tough, but I am getting better at accepting it.  I've come to a point where I've realized, ok, I can either agonize, kick, dread, and hate every second I'm on treatment because it's debilitating and painful....OR I can look at it as though I have a certain amount of days left on this treatment plan, and I can choose to honor and glorify God the best way I can with the days I have left.  You see, I started to really visualize my life AFTER treatment.  The needles can go away, my energy can return, my eyes will no longer be swollen from the drugs, my appetite will be normal, no more coolers full of drugs will be delivered, no more blood draws every two weeks, my skin burn will go away, my memory will go back to normal - and then what do I do?  "You will enjoy it, for the rest of your life," is a line from one of my favorite movies, Soul Surfer.  The mother says it to the daughter at the end when she asks, "Mom, what do I do now?"  I just love that.  And for me, my enjoyment and fulfillment comes from glorifying God.  Granted, I'm a total sinner, and yes, at times, I fully confess that there are things that often compete with God for my attention.  But ultimately, Jesus is my King.  I started to see that I don't want to look back on the 40 weeks of treatment and wish I had spent them differently.  I didn't want to look back and wish that I had drawn closer to God is some of the worst suffering I will ever endure this side of heaven, and miss out because I was too focused on "how painful" it is or debilitated I feel.  Life is just too short for that.

You should not be like cowering, fearful slaves.  You should behave instead like God's very own children, adopted into His family - calling Him 'Father, dear Father.'  For His Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts and tells us that we are God's children.  And since we are His children, we will share His treasures - for everything God gives to His Son, Christ, is ours too.  But if we are to share His glory, we must also share His suffering. -- Romans 8:15-17

As for a medical update, I have an oncological surgery follow-up appointment on Wednesday and then another blood draw on Thursday to test my liver function as well as platelet and white blood cell count levels.  My oncology appointment last week seemed to go well as my oncologist explained that right now, I can be declared at four months NED (No Evidence of Disease).  This is great!  However, he mentioned to keep in mind that melanoma travels in small pieces and a CT scan only picks up cancer cells 3 mm and higher.  It only takes one cancer cell.  So, the treatment plan I'm on should not only kill any remaining cancer cells left, but reduce my rate of recurrence by 30-40%.  The next couple of years will be critical.  My chances of recurrence are the highest at years two and three.  At my five year anniversary of NED is when my survival rate improves dramatically.  I will have CT scans every 3 months, and complete skin checks every 3 months for the next two years.

But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. -- 2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV

As far as how this impacts my life as a whole, its a bit of a roller coaster at the moment but I'm learning to adjust.  There are a bajillion ways cancer impacts your life that are simply not thought of at diagnosis.  I'm learning to adjust to how this will impact my overall quality of life, how it will all impact my friends and family, my ability to travel in the coming months and years with treatment and check-ups, how I can do dating as a cancer patient, how cancer will impact my ability to do mission trips, and a host of other areas to adjust.

In all honesty, I've been incredibly blessed to have amazing girlfriends, wonderful parents and family who love me, an amazing church family as well as fantastic doctors.  God has been very kind to provide such trusting and consistent people who have served as such a safe place for me.  God has been especially gracious in bringing me laughter and sweet times with people in my life throughout this season.  I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am for the hours of wisdom God has provided to me through such selfless girlfriends, family friends, brothers and sisters at church, elders, and family.  Being in a "ministry of dependence" has been humbling for me, but one God has used (and is using) to refine me in fearing Him above fearing man.  Thankfully!

And I'm especially thankful for everyone adjusting to my fuzzy short-term memory, thanks to the anti-cancer drugs!  Pretty soon, at this rate, I'll be able to throw my own surprise party soon....  hopefully I won't forget to invite myself!  Ha!