27 Days of Thankfulness

Ok, I'm doing this.  Each day of November up until Thanksgiving Day, I'm going to write in this listicle below what I am thankful for....and it will be updated each day.  I know people usually do this on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or whatever online social media outlet there is, but if I think this may just be easier and drive my friends less crazy.

What I'm thankful for.....

1)  God's Creation. "Have you ever had a sense of peace when you witnessed majestic mountain peaks or ocean expanses?  If so, you bear testimony to how we are blessed when we encounter something bigger than ourselves.  Our own burdens seem a little lighter when we witness the awesome and the majestic.  Such bigness, of course, points to the Creator who is bigger than his creation.  Jonah is revealing to us the God who is bigger than we think, and that is just the medicine we need to take us out of ourselves." - Ed Welch.  This sums up how I think about appreciating God's creation; it reveals God's beauty, God's compassion, God's sovereignty, God's bigness, God's love, God's precision, and so much more.  It keeps me in awe of Him that He could create mountains and oceans of such incredible vast beauty.  Psalm 19:1.  His creation keeps me humble, and reminded of how small I am.  I'm thankful God takes the time to show off His glory, and create for His own pleasure.  And if you go to the beach or the mountains, take me with you!

2) My Family.  Without a doubt, my family has had a large sum of ups and downs over the last thirty something years.  But I've realized something, in light of this, for some reason, they still love me - and I do still very much love them.  There are family members that have close to zero in common with me, and we don't talk as often as we should or even see each other as often as we should.  But you only get one family that you are born into, and you certainly do not have to love anyone in the life if you don't want to (but hopefully you DO want to!).  And my family loves me, and I love them.  It's not always easy being so far away from them, sometimes I'm downright homesick.  But Christ does call us to love, and they will know we belong to God by how we love each other (John 13:35, NIV), and I do believe this starts with the some of the toughest areas which can be the ones closest to us - our family.  I'm incredibly thankful for them, everything they've taught me and how God has used them in my life.  So thankful.

3)  Modern Medicine.  Say what you will about vaccines, prescription drugs, surgeries, chemotherapy, and what not; it still won't change the fact that God used modern medicine to save my life.  In this journey, I've seen people who eat all organic, do yoga five times a day, do juicing, and use all organic products and STILL get cancer.  To be completely honest, I'm incredibly thankful that I live in a country that has the world's best doctors and top notch medical care.  Specifically, I'm so thankful for Johns Hopkins and the Comprehensive Cancer Center they have in Baltimore, MD - a quick 45 minute drive from my home.  Chemo isn't fun, drugs can definitely not be fun, needles hurt, surgeries aren't desirable but PRAISE the Lord that I have the ability to be seen by a doctor quickly, and get quality medical care.  I'm encouraged that the disciple Luke was in fact, a doctor, and so thankful that God uses modern medicine to cure us, help us, and restore us to strength for His glory.

4)  Sleep.  I once heard that koalas sleep anywhere from 16 to 20 hours a day, and I'm somewhat convinced this could be my spirit animal.  Joking!  Anyhow, I'm grateful for the hours we have in a day to rest, recharge, and sleep.  I'm often reminded that God actually created us to sleep 1/3 of our lives.  If rest was not important to Him, then He would not have made us this way.  Sleep keeps us humble, not dependent on our own strength.  And how much better do we function after a night's good sleep!  I'm so thankful God has called us to rest, and how rest glorifies Him and is considered holy.  I also saw a funny meme that once said, "If you love someone, let them sleep."  So true, ha!

5)  Heaters.  This is a new appreciation I have, given I grew up in a mix of Florida and Texas - two hot climates.  Living in DC and Missouri has made me appreciate heat so much more.  I currently have two space heaters in my room, and they are lovely.  Runners up in this category are also hot water, hot food, hot cocoa, heated tiles, heating pads, hot towels, hot stone massages, and hot dogs.  I'm so thankful for the heat I'm able to have - a comfort beyond measure, and my heartbreaks to think of those who have to sleep out in the cold - both human and pets.  I'm thankful I live in a city that offers shelter to those who do not have a warm place to lay their head at night.  I pray for the relief of the poor, and for those in need of warmth and friends can find it.  (Also if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? - Ecclesiastes 4:11)

6)  Good Roommates.  These people may choose to live with me, but they don't choose how I live, ha!  It's a joy to come home to a girl(s) who you may not have been best friends with when you moved in, but you can't imagine your life without them now.  I've had great roommates most of my life with a few rough patches here and there, but overall, each girl I've lived with has given me a sweet lasting friendship.  One's home is often viewed as their "safe place" or a sanctuary to shelter from life's tough times, to just come home to crawl into bed, read God's word, and rest.  No chaos.  No turmoil.  No distress.  No fighting.  No passive aggressiveness.  What an incredible gift to have good roommates.  I'm thankful to just plop down on the sofa in my pajamas with one of my roommates, and just do life together.

7)  Laughter.  I know, this may sound lame and cheesy, but I just love to laugh.  I love smiles, they are always worth so many words.  A smiling and laughing person is an incredibly magnetic and attractive quality.  If you're going to go through tough times in life, you might as well have someone in it who can make you laugh, make you smile.  I love funny movies, funny jokes, funny friends, being lighthearted, and just taking it in.  A former boss once told me when I asked for feedback, "Candidly, don't sweat the small stuff."  I was expecting something tough, but that made so much sense to me.  While life is short, it can have some long days.  And it's not worth getting worked up over little things of no eternal value.  Take a leap of faith, use 20 seconds of crazy courage to do something, laugh out loud, throw kindness around like confetti, give back, and just drink every drop of life you can.  I'm so thankful for laughter, and how it allows me to not take myself too seriously.

8)  Horses.  I love all animals pretty much, except snakes or rats.  Today I got to go on a trail ride in Clinton, Maryland with a sweet friend and loved every second.  There is just something so adorable about the nose of a horse, their warm breath checking out your hands for food, for kindness, for a friend.  So cute how they each have a personality.  When I was going through one of the toughest times of my life, I made myself go out to the barn and ride.  It was incredibly therapeutic, and an evidence of God's grace.  I'd forget about the storm I was in, and just hang out with an animal who trusts me to guide him/her around a field and over jumps.  I rode horses for over 14 years, and it always takes me back to an innocence of my childhood and a competitive spirit.  I'd remember why I started it in the first place:  I just loved the animal.  I loved the quiet of hearing them breath, the sound of their hooves hitting the ground, the way they'd get to know you.  An evidence of God's creation, they are powerful yet gentle;  sweet yet driven;  honest, protective, trusting yet opinionated at times.  I'm thankful for horses, for all God has used them to teach me - about myself and about Him.

9)  My church.  I could write for days on this, but trust me when I say there is nothing quite like having a church family.  These people are in a covenant commitment to do life with me, to love me, show me grace, give patience, hold me accountable, teach me, care for me, help me, share in my joys, share in my sorrows, pray for me, and so much more.  I only pray I can do half of that in service back to them.  I'm so thankful for my church, and how blessed I am to hear the gospel preached faithfully each Sunday.  God's grace overflows.

10)  God's Sovereignty.  I'm so thankful that no matter what comes our way each day, God is there and in control.  He is so sovereign, over all things and all circumstances.  Nothing we can do will thwart His plan (Job 42:2).  Incredibly grateful that I can rest knowing that God has orchestrated our steps, our tomorrows, and lovingly correcting us all the time.  We can't see tomorrow, but He can - and praise God He reigns as King.

11)  Veterans.  I live in a country where I can worship freely, say what I want, write what I want, go vote on election day, and carry a gun if I'd like to.  Without men and women who have served in our military, I would not be able to go to church, read a bible, or worship my Lord openly.  Praise God for freedom, and those willing to defend it.  So thankful for our veterans and their many sacrifices.

12)  Long Lasting Friends.  Without a doubt, I think this is something we often take for granted.  But long lasting friends are truly unique and incredible people in our lives.  Our family is always our family.  But man, long lasting friends are not our family and still CHOOSE to love us anyway despite seeing all our flaws, mistakes, trials, triumphs, sin, and joys over the years (I mean, our family does too!).  You may grow apart in certain ways, but you can always trust that the person loves you for you no matter how much you change.  The reality is, we'll never stay the same person - I hope!  I hope we continue to grow, become wiser, better, and more mature changing into what God wants us to be.  With change, the friends who stay with you are incredibly invaluable and cherished.  These people realize friendships are give/take, but there will be seasons where some are giving and some are taking more than others and give you grace anyway.  The people who have chosen to stick with me and do life with me, are beyond appreciated.  So thank you to those who are still there, love me beyond anything I can imagine, and show me grace every day beyond what I deserve!  So thankful for this blessing and gift!

13)  Mentors.  Mentors come in so many forms, whether it be life, the gospel, the workplace, sports, etc.  For me, I've been incredibly blessed to have mentors who care for me to invest in my life to see fruit of the gospel produced.  These women have selflessly given their time to read the bible with me, meet with me, listen to me, share truth with me, and just love me.  Also, I've had professional mentors, most of which are former bosses, who have taught me far beyond what I can imagine.  Their words have put my career in perspective, taught me how to balance, believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself, and pushed me to learn more - all of which have made me a more marketable and valuable professional today.  All of these mentors, have been a sweet evidence of God's grace, and I'm so thankful they have taken the time to teach me.  So so thankful for people who seek to be mentors!

Love More, Stress Less, Wear a Pony Tail

When I was a little girl, I used to love (most of the time) when my Mom would do my hair.  She'd brush it and put it in a nice pony tail, which would later become destroyed from wearing a horseback riding helmet or from playing outside or swimming.  The rubber band would always go three times around.  Fast forward 28 years later, and I never realized what a simple joy it would be to simply be able to put my hair in a pony tail again.  Three times around.  My hair has been growing steadily, and its thick enough to wrap the pony tail rubber band three times around again!  I know it's dumb, and maybe comes across as vain, but to me its a slight comfort - a mere sign that I'm getting back to my old self and moving further away from the trauma of the big C.

Last week marked two years since my diagnosis.  I know, everyone MUST be sick of hearing about all of this by now.  I know I am some times.  Truth is, there are still good days and bad days.  Bad days become much fewer, though still existent.  Today was one of those bad days, for example.  Costs to pay for everything gets high even with insurance (this month my medical expenses totaled over $1600), biopsies keep coming and going (I have one tomorrow at 8:30 AM), and you keep trying to process it all.  It really is ok, at the end of the day, God is still on the throne.

I've become more laid back.  At first I thought this was because I made my room more "beachy" but I've realized the things I'd normally get worked up about, are not a big deal anymore.  Everything we take for granted, I find myself doing less of that.  For example, some times I like to go on a long walk just because I can, or put my hair in a pony tail because I can, or read a book because I can and actually remember it now that I'm off chemo, or hang out with girlfriends every chance I get because I can now.  I want to spend time with people I love and care about more, and stress about job, health, finances less.  For example, when I was on chemo, I remember I'd physically see people dying.  Dying in their chemo bed, knowing this is their last shot at a medical miracle.  But you'd know it because you'd see family come in and sit with them.  The family would always hug their loved one and ask questions that you would ask if you hadn't seen someone in a long time.  The family was there paying their last visits, saying what they wanted to last say.  In the moment, of course I was sad.  But as I weathered the disease further, I found myself becoming sad, or even angry, at the thought of those families.  What I wanted to say, if I saw that scene again is, "where were you when they were living?!"  Why does it seem that we want to rush in during the final moments, the final days, the final hours to drop an emotional bomb of everything we wanted to say when we find out someone is leaving us?  We have them now!  Do we get so busy in our own lives, in our careers, in our day to day, that we forget each second is an absolute gift from God Himself?  Do we forget that we have NOW to love someone instead of putting it off until the Lord is calling them home?   Whatever is distracting us, or pulling us away from meeting the need for love or kindness in another human being (image bearer of God Himself), is it worth it?  I'm not sure, ya know?

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. - 1 John 4:12, NIV

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. - John 13:35, NIV

I know its difficult to hear or read without the sting of some conviction, even for myself.  But God has not called me to be a busy body, He has called me to love well for His glory.  I can only pray, that with His help, I can do that better than I did before I was sick.  One day we won't have these bodies, we won't have these jobs, we won't even have bank accounts, but we will have Jesus Christ and we can have each other.

Two years.  It seems like its been much longer than that.  No doubt, I was in the palm of the very hand of God for much of that time.  How do I know?  Because I look back at the time I was weathering it, on chemo and sick, and ask myself, how did I do that.......after realizing my own sinfulness and weaknesses.  God.  God carried me through.  Scripture says:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. - Romans 8:26, NIV

Even the Holy Spirit Himself prays for us when we cannot.  That is a comfort, one among many many promises God has for us.

Tomorrow I go in for another biopsy.  I forget how desensitized I am to these by now, and how others are not.  It's the usual, wait ten days and get the results.  I had three biopsies two weeks ago.  One came back mild (aka nothing wrong), two were moderate (aka would be cancer in five years-ish).  The Lord has been so kind and gentle in dealing with me, and I'm more than thankful for the patience and grace of many who have cared for me along the way.

I pray that today you worry less, don't sweat the small stuff.  Somewhere, someone is wishing they were in your shoes - wishing they had your education, wishing they had your house, your ability to go running, your ability to have children, etc.  Sometimes it takes losing all of it to realize all we really have is Christ, and in Him we have all we can hope.

Grace Upon Grace Upon Grace

As an avid water sports girl and surfer, I've had the blessing of going to a beautiful place known as Hawaii a handful of times - including this past week.  The last time I was there, however, I had just finished a string of surgeries following a cancer diagnosis and was a month away from starting a grueling regimen of chemotherapy.  I remember sitting on the veranda of a hotel on Waikiki Beach staring out at the waves thinking, "What would my life be like in one year?  Would I still be alive two years from now?  Would I lose all my hair?  What would chemo do to me?  What will change?  I know my faith will be tested, but will I persevere?  Will people who do not walk with Jesus in my life come to love Him?"  My mind was full of questions, but I still had a resolve in trusting God for what was to come.

After the first day of the trip, my former boss and dear friend - Julie Stoll, texted me a verse that I will never forget.  She said she was reading Psalm 18:19 that morning and thought of me, which reads:

He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me. - Psalm 18:19, NIV

I read that Psalm over and over, and continued reading right through many of the Psalms as each verse leapt of the page and into my heart.  God is so utterly personal with us, it amazes me what He continuously wants to do with our lives despite our own sinfulness.  He is always rescuing us from ourselves, from our sin, and in the ultimate act of love He rescued us from a life apart from Him.  The closer I grow towards God, the more aware I become of my own sinfulness - and in turn, the more deeply thankful I become of His desire to rescue me, to give me far more unmerited grace than I could ever fathom.

This last week, I went down to the beach on a little grassy spot near the water to watch the last batch of diehard surfers catch their last few waves before dark and to have some quiet time with God.  I remembered Psalm 18:19 and couldn't help but reflect on where God had brought me from the last time I was in that same spot.  Candidly, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness.  Sheer and total thankfulness.  For everything, and for everything around me.  Every little thing had a sweet significance.  The thought of making any kind of complaint seemed entirely foreign and impossible (Philippians 2:14, NIV) in that very moment.  I mean, God's beauty and provision was all around, how could anyone complain?!

Every little thing in my life from the love I have from God, my sweet friends, my health, my job, my food, clean water, a place to sleep, a great place to live, my dear church, the ability to sit on that beach that night, and everything in between - it is all by God's grace from Himself.  Let me be clear, I am so undeserving of any of it, completely and totally unworthy.  I'm a sinner, I deserve the wrath of God.  BUT.....the Good News is, because God loved me and willingly gave His only Son by His grace, I'm able to live a life in relationship with the Creator of the universe.  Jesus Christ Himself conquered death.  I mean, wow.  Just wow.  The God who created the very beach that was in front of me, had the deepest love that could ever be recorded in history - for me, for you too.

I reflected back on so much of the bad days and good days over the last two years, and each day was an evidence of His grace.  There were certainly hard and difficult days, and I had become weaker, but by His grace, I'm here today in love with God more than ever.  I'm just so thankful, incredibly thankful.
Every little thing - the salt, the sand, the crystal blue water, the food, the people I'd meet, the crashing of the waves, the laughing, the sun, the rest, the gorgeous mountains around, the very bible I was holding,  my family, it is all an overwhelming evidence of God's grace.  I never want to miss a minute of simply thanking Him for loving me so much, for molding my heart into one of thankfulness before Him.  Complete contentment in seeing God's heart for me through His very word as the truth jumped off the pages.  He is such a good, gracious, and kindhearted God in every way.  Every trial we have, He truly uses for our good - to mold the human condition of our hearts.  For that, I'm immensely thankful.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. - James 1:17, NIV

I never want to waste a minute staring at my circumstances in a posture of complaining, if we do, we miss seeing His sweet grace in all the details around us.  We have so much to be thankful for, it is all by His grace.  Mind blown.  A dear friend of mine used to say that bitterness comes from unmet desires.  If we desire what God has placed before us, what He has given us - if we find our joy in Him, and not our circumstances, we can't help but be thankful.  As long as there is breath in our body there is hope.  Our hope in an unfailing God drives me to my knees in a heart of gratitude and worship, thank you God for having mercy and grace upon grace upon grace for me.

Thank you, Lord, for bring me into a spacious place - even when you didn't have to.  Thank you, Lord, for delighting in me and rescuing me.  Thank you, Lord, for your grace and patience on me even though I do not deserve it from a perfect and holy God as You.  Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see your hand in even uncertain times and for giving me breath to live another day for your glory alone. Thank you, Lord, for being so trustworthy and for providing above and beyond what I need.

Video One: Matt Chandler's Testimony With Brain Cancer

There are so many incredible stories out there about triumph through trial in God's grace, and how our merciful God brings such sweet redemption even to the most horrific of circumstances.  Anyone that knows me would tell you that I absolutely love to hear people's stories.  I could listen to firsthand stories from people for days, and of course, ask loads of questions!  There is just something so human, so real, so trusting, so authentic, so transparent, and so beautiful about hearing someone's story.  While I understand there is indeed so much evil in this world, there is also an incredible amount of God's beauty.

One of the most important lessons I learned in the first few months of my own cancer diagnosis was that I simply could not take my eyes off of God.  I needed to trust Him and cling to Him in every second, and in that, came abundant relief.  My relief did not come from reassurance of doctors (i.e. "you'll be fine" or "at least you are not stage four"), but the relief came from knowing God is sovereign.  My trial was to accomplish a greater purpose, and by trusting Him, I became less worried about the horrors of cancer.  In other words, if I let my worry and distress take over my mind, then the only thing I will see is horrific, fearful circumstance - and all it's unanticipated side effects - that lay before me. I would not see God, or His glory or His beauty.

Thankfully, our God is a God who specializes in taking our most horrifying, shameful, dirty, guilt ridden, sinful, failure, discouraging, terrible, unthinkable circumstances and past - and then when we seek Him, He uses it by turning it into something more beautiful, more glorious, more incredible, more loving, more kind, so much bigger than we could ever hope to imagine for His glory.  Simply to let us know He is our Father who loves us more than life itself.

I've decided to start a bit of a series on this blog.  A collection of short videos that have influenced me throughout this journey of life, and I will try to update more frequently for those of you following at home.  Below is entry number one:  Matt Chandler's Testimony With Brain Cancer.

Matt Chandler is a pastor of The Village Church in Dallas, Texas.  A younger guy, married, has children.  On Thanksgiving Day in 2009, Matt Chandler's life changed forever.  This is a 25 minute clip of his story, through his bald head tracing with scars from surgery, he shares how our greatest trials often come as our greatest opportunities.  Truly incredible to see God's hand at work in the life of this young man, his family, his church, and in the lives of so many who hear his story.



Or if you prefer the YouTube link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRY-m6YhW0Y

Relationships: The One Thing You Take With You

First, I have no idea if this blogpost will make sense, but this is an attempt to give an update.  Basically, I've been far busier than I have ever hoped to be these last few months.  I often think about all the warnings in the bible about being overly busy, and how "busy-ness" can often distract us from what is really important, or even holy, in our lives.

"We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies.  Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down...." - 2 Thessalonians 3:11:12a, NIV

It seems as though when my life starts to take on a "busy" tone, far more than I'm able to keep up with, He often intervenes.  God's sovereign and gracious hand brings my life back to a slower pace, some times that is a painful adjustment and other times it is more than welcome.

These last few months my life has been consumed with graduate school (did anyone know that Harvard is actually hard?!  Crazy, I know...), work (I clocked 127 hours on my timesheet last pay period), medical issues (I'm having surgery, again, on May 29th), and trying to have some kind of a social life and exercise.  All the meanwhile, I'm often brought back to lessons God so graciously taught me while I was sick - and perhaps ones He reminds me of now.  People matter.  Your relationships matter.  One thing constantly running through my mind last year, as I laid around my house because I was too exhausted from the chemotherapy to do normal things like get coffee with a girlfriend, or even go grocery shopping - the one thing I'd always remember, is that the only thing we ever actually get to take with us into eternity is our relationships with people.  I believe that for those who believe and follow Jesus Christ, we will see each other again - one day.  Our good byes on earth are not permanent, and seeing each other again in a world of no sin will literally be heaven.

So how are, how am I, stewarding those relationships now?  How am I loving people now?  Do I even have time to love people now?  All work and no play has consequences.  In heaven, there is no arguing, no quarreling, no backbiting, no grudge holding, no unforgiveness, no hurt, no pain, no drama, no confusion, no exhaustion, no unkindness, no mistrust, no emptiness, no sin, no abuse, no manipulation, no worry, no controlling behavior, no angry fights, no cruelty, no defensiveness, no pride, no ego, no selfishness, no insecurity, no self-indulgence, no taking offense, no seeking your own good ahead of someone else's, no materialism, no greed, no love of money, no time constraints, no busy-ness, no arrogance, no sorrow, no fear of man, none of that, there is just none of that.  So how am I living that out now?

One recent Wednesday night, I actually made it to bible study and listened to our pastor talk about how each of us play a role in the church.  We are all one body.  We need each other.

For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body - whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free - and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. - 1 Corinthians 12:13-14, NIV

As it is there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' - 1 Corinthians 20-21, NIV

We were created to need each other, to be one body in Spirit.  For me, it's no secret the last couple years of my life have been a painfully needy season.  One in which I can only pray that God was glorified with my life, and in my feeble and humanly attempts to bring Him honor.  At the end of the day, I'm a sinner and at God's mercy.  And I'm eternally grateful for His mercy, His sweet justice and mercy.

So what now?  Well, tomorrow I'm going to get up and go to church.  I'm going to see friends and my dear church family.  I'm going to make attempts to be a part of their lives in hopes they would be a part of mine, to help me care for myself and others, to help me live a holy life and in return I could only hope to help them live a holier life as well.  I want the people in my life to know me, to actually know me - to know why I love, why I laugh, why I cry, why I dance, why I mourn, anything.  In return, I could only hope I have the honor of knowing them back, to see it all - their sin and their love collided into one beautiful mosaic created by our Father.

Lord knows I fail at a lot of things, and I hate to fail, but I'm still a sinner.  I don't deserve grace, but my gosh, is grace so beautiful.  There aren't even words.  By some miracle, God chose to save me - to save you - by His own grace and love for us.  He loves us more than Himself.  To soak in that, to understand what we have been saved from, can move any heart or any mountain.  It has, and continues to do so everyday.

My prayer is that I can love better.  To see past our human sin, and to live a life worthy of the calling I have received (Ephesians 4:1, NIV).  I pray that somehow my life points people to Christ, so that they would want to change everything to follow Him.  I've been made painfully aware that we only have one life, one chance, one time - how should we spend it?  For me, I don't want to spend it merely focused on me and loving myself or living for myself, I want to use it in a way that honors God and in a way that loves people enough to make an impact for His kingdom.  I can only pray that I can love people the way He loves me.

As God continues to maneuver my life around His, and He is always changing things up when there aren't enough hours in my day, I'm thankful God always remains my best friend - no matter what I've said or done.  He always comes to my rescue, even when I don't realize I need to be rescued.  Just thankful. 

It Is Well in Jerusalem

Those who know me well can tell you that the hymn "It Is Well" by Horatio Spafford is probably my most favorite Christian song of all time.  In fact, after I had learned I was diagnosed with cancer, on one night I played "It Is Well" on repeat for about two or three hours.  The hymn not only teaches of reaching out to God in our most darkest moment, but praising Him in the midst of our trials.  Such a beautiful story, and the story behind the song makes the hymn even richer in meaning.  For those who don't know it, here it is (thanks to Wikipedia!):

This hymn was written after traumatic events in Spafford’s life. The first was the death of their only son from Scarlet Fever in 1870. Second was the 1871 Great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially (he had been a successful lawyer and had invested significantly in property in the area of Chicago which was decimated by the great fire). His business interests were further hit by the economic downturn of 1873 at which time he had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the SS Ville du Havre. In a late change of plan, he sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business concerning zoning problems following the Great Chicago Fire. While crossing the Atlantic, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with a sea vessel, the Loch Earn, and all four of Spafford's daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, "Saved alone …". Shortly afterwards, as Spafford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died.^[3]

The Spaffords later had three more children. In 1881, the Spaffords, including baby Bertha and newborn Grace, set sail for Israel. The Spaffords moved to Jerusalem and helped found a group called the American Colony (which is now the American Colony Hotel in Jerusalem); its mission was to serve the poor. The colony later became the subject of the Nobel prize winning Jerusalem, by Swedish novelist Selma Lagerlöf.^[3]

Horatio Spafford's descendants now run a mission in the Arab quarter of Jerusalem, Israel called "The Spafford Center" mainly mental and physical therapy for children.  You can read about it here: http://www.spaffordcenter.org/

Just last week, I went on a trip to Israel with some wonderful friends from Texas.  While we were there, we were able to go to Jerusalem and see many of the historical sites in the life of Jesus.  One very cold Friday morning (ironically), we were standing on this covered platform and to our right was a rocky looking hill about 30 feet high.  Below the hill was a parking lot and a car repair shop, and on top of the hill was an Islamic cemetery.  We had a tour guide who explained to us that that "hill" was indeed Golgotha (or in Aramaic, 'the place of the Skull') which is where Jesus hung on the cross out of love for us.  THAT was THE hill.  Across the parking lot/car repair place, was a house which looked to be about 3-4 stories high.  That was the home of Horatio Spafford, and from his home you could see in the side of the hill what looked like a skull....places on the side of the hill for two eye sockets and a nose.  It was indescribable.  Loads of evidence, historical and scriptural, pointed to this very hill.  And Horatio Spafford's home had a bird's eye view throughout the remainder of his life of the setting of the Savior's love for him.  Just wow.  God's love for us, His forgiveness - encouraging us to forgive as He forgives, His unwarranted grace, His justice - all colliding together in that one moment there on that hill, for us....for Him!  Amazing....

Golgotha hill in Jerusalem, Israel. 

Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). Here they crucified Him, and with him two others - one on each side and Jesus in the middle. - John 19:17-18, NIV

Now, I could write for literal days about each site we saw in Israel (and Palestine) and what I learned all along the way.  And I'll continue to update this blog with various stories and pictures of the trip!

For brevity sake, I'll give you an overall update since it has been some time since I've written - so sorry!

On February 4th, I had two biopsies.  One came back mild and the other came back moderate.  The doctor didn't like how the cells were multiplying so fast in the moderate one, and ordered a wide excision surgery to remove the remainder of the tissue.  This past Friday, I had the wide excision and am currently waiting for my pathology report which takes one to two weeks.  They cauterized the incision, and now I'm just healing.  On April 8th, I'll have my next CT scan and blood work to check-up.

Since my last post, I've also started graduate school at Harvard University in journalism.  Formally, my degree would be an ALM in Journalism and I'm thrilled to gain education in writing to help further my experience in communications!

All in all, God has been very kind.  Since leaving Jerusalem, it is amazing at how many of the scriptures I have read a thousand times now have a visible setting in my mind.  I've seen the Sea of Galilee, it still takes my breath away to think of how beautiful it is there!  I'm beyond blessed, far more than I deserve, and without a doubt, it IS well with my soul.  Despite what trials may come, despite what rejection we face, despite what unfair treatment is heaped upon us, despite what illness is at war within us, despite our own poverty albeit economical or spiritual, we can take heart - as Christ did.  He faced all of it far worse than we ever will, and in Jerusalem, it is well.  Though the spiritual war rages on in such a beautiful city, God is sovereign, and it is well.