I love this crazy world. I’ve been trying to figure out for days how to put my thoughts and feelings on paper, and to be honest, I don’t usually struggle with this. What I can tell you is the last few weeks, my life has felt like a roller coaster. I’ve been sad, I’ve been joyful, I’ve been thankful, I’ve been hurting, I’ve been nostalgic, I’ve been feeling left out, I’ve been feeling carefree, I’ve been feeling under attack, I’ve been feeling small, I've felt abandoned, I’ve been feeling fat, I’ve been feeling relaxed, I’ve been feeling so very stressed, I’ve been a mess, I’ve been on top of it. I could go on and on, and some of reminds me of a question I was asked about 4 months ago by a girl I only knew for a very short while years ago. Though I had not talked to her for a couple years, she messaged me this question:
“Hey girl, I have what is probably going to be a very strange question for you.... How do you do it? I was reading through some of your comments and looking at your photos and stuff the other day and I just can’t figure it out. How do you find the time to do all of these amazing things??? Some things have happened to me recently in which I feel as though I've had to consider what will happen when I die. I thought about it the other day and I thought "I can’t die, I haven’t lived yet." There's so much that I want to do and yet there's never enough time or money or whatever and I just feel like I haven’t done anything with my life. I mean, I'm working and I'm getting ready to marry and incredible man, but I don’t feel like I've lived. Then I look at you and you're well traveled, well read, going on missions, inspiring people, holding down a secular job, etc etc. What's the secret????”
I have thought long and hard about this question. I could over spiritualize my answer and say, for me, the secret has always been Jesus – and to a degree, I believe He has been much of the driving force. And to be even more honest, I feel as though I haven’t really even began to live yet either. There is so much I want to do with my life, and much more I feel God is calling me to do with my life, and I haven’t even scratched the surface. However, the answer I came up with to this young lady’s question is this: Every day is a gift from God. You get one day, you have one life, and once a minute of the day is gone, it is gone forever. Life is too short for regrets (and boy, have I needed to remind myself of that a lot lately). Trust me, I know it seems as though there is never enough time or money…..just ask any of my friends, including myself, who long to go to the mission field full time and still try to pay down debts we’ve accrued over the years in college.
“If you are hungry, you will find a way to eat.” This is a quote that someone once said to me regarding spiritual hunger. Meaning, if you want Jesus in your life bad enough, you will move heaven and earth to make Him the center of your life. You will make every attempt to get spiritual food, to eat, to be nourished, to have the energy to go out and give food to others who are also hungry. This quote also applies to living life for God. If you want bad enough to really live your life out loud, to really live each day to its fullest for Jesus, you will find a way to do it. I’m still working on this in so many ways. You will find a way to eat if you are hungry.
I confess I have not lived my life with a radical love, not as radical as I feel called to be. I have been guarded in so many ways because of past hurts. I’ve pushed people away, and wanted to be accepted by people who know nothing of the love of Christ. I confess I have not told the people who matter most in my life that I forgive them, that I love them, that I would fight for them, that I would lay down my life for them. I have not reached the least, the last, and the lost with every ounce of my being, though yes, I have been to the 3rd world countless times, it is not enough. I have not been all over the world, I’ve been to 16 countries (and in no way, do airport connections count), and ask yourself, how many countries are there in the world? There is SO much undiscovered territory out there. I’ve lived inside walls I’ve set for myself, inside my own rules and regulations, and I feel like it is time to break the chains. I want to love big, I want to live big for Jesus Christ. There is no excuse I can make, other than my own self-indulgence and self-protection. There is so much living yet to do and I’m just getting started.
What else do I want to do? I want to be able to tell you what it smells like inside the L’ourve; I want to be able to tell you what pizza tastes like in Italy; I want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro; I want to run the Marine Corps Marathon; I want see where Christ’s body was laid and be baptized in the Jordan River; I want to share Christ in the slums of India; I want to hold the hands of orphans in Africa; I want to hike Machu Pichu; I want to vacation in the Maldives; I want to see a lion in the wild and thank God for His creation; I want to see snow in Russia and marvel at how God could create something so white; I want to go whitewater rafting with my friend Sophie in Tiblisi, Georgia and thank Him for her friendship; I want to sip tea on the streets of Beirut, Lebanon and tell the waiter/waitress about Jesus Christ; I want to ease the fears and pray over the persecuted Christians of Gaza City whose physical church was blown up by a bomb last year; I want to see the Eiffel tower and hear the words ‘I Love You’ while standing underneath it; I want to adopt an orphan from a foreign country; I want to meet a Godly man who loves me as Christ loved the church – who will truly fight for my heart – and to marry that man; I want to go to an Olympic games; I want to cheer with a vuvuzela at World Cup soccer game; I want to drive through Napa valley and share a glass of wine with my best friend. I want to live and love radically for the gospel of Jesus Christ everywhere I go. I want to see my family members completely surrender their lives to Jesus Christ and join me on the path of Christ. But you know what I want the most, I want to be used by God to bring as many people to Christ as possible. To me, that is true success, to spread the name of my dear Savior to as many souls as possible. If I get to do everything else in the process, that would be great, but it is not up to me. Thankfully, it is up to our Creator who is so sovereign.
What do you want to do with the gift of life that God has given you?
I love you dear friends and family, I am praying for you. He is there with open arms for you, and whatever your fear is, give it to Him. It is ok. Will you join me on this God filled ride?
I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her. – Matthew 26:13, NIV
<><
KB
“Hey girl, I have what is probably going to be a very strange question for you.... How do you do it? I was reading through some of your comments and looking at your photos and stuff the other day and I just can’t figure it out. How do you find the time to do all of these amazing things??? Some things have happened to me recently in which I feel as though I've had to consider what will happen when I die. I thought about it the other day and I thought "I can’t die, I haven’t lived yet." There's so much that I want to do and yet there's never enough time or money or whatever and I just feel like I haven’t done anything with my life. I mean, I'm working and I'm getting ready to marry and incredible man, but I don’t feel like I've lived. Then I look at you and you're well traveled, well read, going on missions, inspiring people, holding down a secular job, etc etc. What's the secret????”
I have thought long and hard about this question. I could over spiritualize my answer and say, for me, the secret has always been Jesus – and to a degree, I believe He has been much of the driving force. And to be even more honest, I feel as though I haven’t really even began to live yet either. There is so much I want to do with my life, and much more I feel God is calling me to do with my life, and I haven’t even scratched the surface. However, the answer I came up with to this young lady’s question is this: Every day is a gift from God. You get one day, you have one life, and once a minute of the day is gone, it is gone forever. Life is too short for regrets (and boy, have I needed to remind myself of that a lot lately). Trust me, I know it seems as though there is never enough time or money…..just ask any of my friends, including myself, who long to go to the mission field full time and still try to pay down debts we’ve accrued over the years in college.
“If you are hungry, you will find a way to eat.” This is a quote that someone once said to me regarding spiritual hunger. Meaning, if you want Jesus in your life bad enough, you will move heaven and earth to make Him the center of your life. You will make every attempt to get spiritual food, to eat, to be nourished, to have the energy to go out and give food to others who are also hungry. This quote also applies to living life for God. If you want bad enough to really live your life out loud, to really live each day to its fullest for Jesus, you will find a way to do it. I’m still working on this in so many ways. You will find a way to eat if you are hungry.
I confess I have not lived my life with a radical love, not as radical as I feel called to be. I have been guarded in so many ways because of past hurts. I’ve pushed people away, and wanted to be accepted by people who know nothing of the love of Christ. I confess I have not told the people who matter most in my life that I forgive them, that I love them, that I would fight for them, that I would lay down my life for them. I have not reached the least, the last, and the lost with every ounce of my being, though yes, I have been to the 3rd world countless times, it is not enough. I have not been all over the world, I’ve been to 16 countries (and in no way, do airport connections count), and ask yourself, how many countries are there in the world? There is SO much undiscovered territory out there. I’ve lived inside walls I’ve set for myself, inside my own rules and regulations, and I feel like it is time to break the chains. I want to love big, I want to live big for Jesus Christ. There is no excuse I can make, other than my own self-indulgence and self-protection. There is so much living yet to do and I’m just getting started.
What else do I want to do? I want to be able to tell you what it smells like inside the L’ourve; I want to be able to tell you what pizza tastes like in Italy; I want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro; I want to run the Marine Corps Marathon; I want see where Christ’s body was laid and be baptized in the Jordan River; I want to share Christ in the slums of India; I want to hold the hands of orphans in Africa; I want to hike Machu Pichu; I want to vacation in the Maldives; I want to see a lion in the wild and thank God for His creation; I want to see snow in Russia and marvel at how God could create something so white; I want to go whitewater rafting with my friend Sophie in Tiblisi, Georgia and thank Him for her friendship; I want to sip tea on the streets of Beirut, Lebanon and tell the waiter/waitress about Jesus Christ; I want to ease the fears and pray over the persecuted Christians of Gaza City whose physical church was blown up by a bomb last year; I want to see the Eiffel tower and hear the words ‘I Love You’ while standing underneath it; I want to adopt an orphan from a foreign country; I want to meet a Godly man who loves me as Christ loved the church – who will truly fight for my heart – and to marry that man; I want to go to an Olympic games; I want to cheer with a vuvuzela at World Cup soccer game; I want to drive through Napa valley and share a glass of wine with my best friend. I want to live and love radically for the gospel of Jesus Christ everywhere I go. I want to see my family members completely surrender their lives to Jesus Christ and join me on the path of Christ. But you know what I want the most, I want to be used by God to bring as many people to Christ as possible. To me, that is true success, to spread the name of my dear Savior to as many souls as possible. If I get to do everything else in the process, that would be great, but it is not up to me. Thankfully, it is up to our Creator who is so sovereign.
What do you want to do with the gift of life that God has given you?
I love you dear friends and family, I am praying for you. He is there with open arms for you, and whatever your fear is, give it to Him. It is ok. Will you join me on this God filled ride?
I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her. – Matthew 26:13, NIV
<><
KB
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