First, I have no idea if this blogpost will make sense, but this is an attempt to give an update. Basically, I've been far busier than I have ever hoped to be these last few months. I often think about all the warnings in the bible about being overly busy, and how "busy-ness" can often distract us from what is really important, or even holy, in our lives.
"We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down...." - 2 Thessalonians 3:11:12a, NIV
It seems as though when my life starts to take on a "busy" tone, far more than I'm able to keep up with, He often intervenes. God's sovereign and gracious hand brings my life back to a slower pace, some times that is a painful adjustment and other times it is more than welcome.
These last few months my life has been consumed with graduate school (did anyone know that Harvard is actually hard?! Crazy, I know...), work (I clocked 127 hours on my timesheet last pay period), medical issues (I'm having surgery, again, on May 29th), and trying to have some kind of a social life and exercise. All the meanwhile, I'm often brought back to lessons God so graciously taught me while I was sick - and perhaps ones He reminds me of now. People matter. Your relationships matter. One thing constantly running through my mind last year, as I laid around my house because I was too exhausted from the chemotherapy to do normal things like get coffee with a girlfriend, or even go grocery shopping - the one thing I'd always remember, is that the only thing we ever actually get to take with us into eternity is our relationships with people. I believe that for those who believe and follow Jesus Christ, we will see each other again - one day. Our good byes on earth are not permanent, and seeing each other again in a world of no sin will literally be heaven.
So how are, how am I, stewarding those relationships now? How am I loving people now? Do I even have time to love people now? All work and no play has consequences. In heaven, there is no arguing, no quarreling, no backbiting, no grudge holding, no unforgiveness, no hurt, no pain, no drama, no confusion, no exhaustion, no unkindness, no mistrust, no emptiness, no sin, no abuse, no manipulation, no worry, no controlling behavior, no angry fights, no cruelty, no defensiveness, no pride, no ego, no selfishness, no insecurity, no self-indulgence, no taking offense, no seeking your own good ahead of someone else's, no materialism, no greed, no love of money, no time constraints, no busy-ness, no arrogance, no sorrow, no fear of man, none of that, there is just none of that. So how am I living that out now?
One recent Wednesday night, I actually made it to bible study and listened to our pastor talk about how each of us play a role in the church. We are all one body. We need each other.
For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body - whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free - and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. - 1 Corinthians 12:13-14, NIV
As it is there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' - 1 Corinthians 20-21, NIV
We were created to need each other, to be one body in Spirit. For me, it's no secret the last couple years of my life have been a painfully needy season. One in which I can only pray that God was glorified with my life, and in my feeble and humanly attempts to bring Him honor. At the end of the day, I'm a sinner and at God's mercy. And I'm eternally grateful for His mercy, His sweet justice and mercy.
So what now? Well, tomorrow I'm going to get up and go to church. I'm going to see friends and my dear church family. I'm going to make attempts to be a part of their lives in hopes they would be a part of mine, to help me care for myself and others, to help me live a holy life and in return I could only hope to help them live a holier life as well. I want the people in my life to know me, to actually know me - to know why I love, why I laugh, why I cry, why I dance, why I mourn, anything. In return, I could only hope I have the honor of knowing them back, to see it all - their sin and their love collided into one beautiful mosaic created by our Father.
Lord knows I fail at a lot of things, and I hate to fail, but I'm still a sinner. I don't deserve grace, but my gosh, is grace so beautiful. There aren't even words. By some miracle, God chose to save me - to save you - by His own grace and love for us. He loves us more than Himself. To soak in that, to understand what we have been saved from, can move any heart or any mountain. It has, and continues to do so everyday.
My prayer is that I can love better. To see past our human sin, and to live a life worthy of the calling I have received (Ephesians 4:1, NIV). I pray that somehow my life points people to Christ, so that they would want to change everything to follow Him. I've been made painfully aware that we only have one life, one chance, one time - how should we spend it? For me, I don't want to spend it merely focused on me and loving myself or living for myself, I want to use it in a way that honors God and in a way that loves people enough to make an impact for His kingdom. I can only pray that I can love people the way He loves me.
As God continues to maneuver my life around His, and He is always changing things up when there aren't enough hours in my day, I'm thankful God always remains my best friend - no matter what I've said or done. He always comes to my rescue, even when I don't realize I need to be rescued. Just thankful.
"We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down...." - 2 Thessalonians 3:11:12a, NIV
It seems as though when my life starts to take on a "busy" tone, far more than I'm able to keep up with, He often intervenes. God's sovereign and gracious hand brings my life back to a slower pace, some times that is a painful adjustment and other times it is more than welcome.
These last few months my life has been consumed with graduate school (did anyone know that Harvard is actually hard?! Crazy, I know...), work (I clocked 127 hours on my timesheet last pay period), medical issues (I'm having surgery, again, on May 29th), and trying to have some kind of a social life and exercise. All the meanwhile, I'm often brought back to lessons God so graciously taught me while I was sick - and perhaps ones He reminds me of now. People matter. Your relationships matter. One thing constantly running through my mind last year, as I laid around my house because I was too exhausted from the chemotherapy to do normal things like get coffee with a girlfriend, or even go grocery shopping - the one thing I'd always remember, is that the only thing we ever actually get to take with us into eternity is our relationships with people. I believe that for those who believe and follow Jesus Christ, we will see each other again - one day. Our good byes on earth are not permanent, and seeing each other again in a world of no sin will literally be heaven.
So how are, how am I, stewarding those relationships now? How am I loving people now? Do I even have time to love people now? All work and no play has consequences. In heaven, there is no arguing, no quarreling, no backbiting, no grudge holding, no unforgiveness, no hurt, no pain, no drama, no confusion, no exhaustion, no unkindness, no mistrust, no emptiness, no sin, no abuse, no manipulation, no worry, no controlling behavior, no angry fights, no cruelty, no defensiveness, no pride, no ego, no selfishness, no insecurity, no self-indulgence, no taking offense, no seeking your own good ahead of someone else's, no materialism, no greed, no love of money, no time constraints, no busy-ness, no arrogance, no sorrow, no fear of man, none of that, there is just none of that. So how am I living that out now?
One recent Wednesday night, I actually made it to bible study and listened to our pastor talk about how each of us play a role in the church. We are all one body. We need each other.
For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body - whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free - and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. - 1 Corinthians 12:13-14, NIV
As it is there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' - 1 Corinthians 20-21, NIV
We were created to need each other, to be one body in Spirit. For me, it's no secret the last couple years of my life have been a painfully needy season. One in which I can only pray that God was glorified with my life, and in my feeble and humanly attempts to bring Him honor. At the end of the day, I'm a sinner and at God's mercy. And I'm eternally grateful for His mercy, His sweet justice and mercy.
So what now? Well, tomorrow I'm going to get up and go to church. I'm going to see friends and my dear church family. I'm going to make attempts to be a part of their lives in hopes they would be a part of mine, to help me care for myself and others, to help me live a holy life and in return I could only hope to help them live a holier life as well. I want the people in my life to know me, to actually know me - to know why I love, why I laugh, why I cry, why I dance, why I mourn, anything. In return, I could only hope I have the honor of knowing them back, to see it all - their sin and their love collided into one beautiful mosaic created by our Father.
Lord knows I fail at a lot of things, and I hate to fail, but I'm still a sinner. I don't deserve grace, but my gosh, is grace so beautiful. There aren't even words. By some miracle, God chose to save me - to save you - by His own grace and love for us. He loves us more than Himself. To soak in that, to understand what we have been saved from, can move any heart or any mountain. It has, and continues to do so everyday.
My prayer is that I can love better. To see past our human sin, and to live a life worthy of the calling I have received (Ephesians 4:1, NIV). I pray that somehow my life points people to Christ, so that they would want to change everything to follow Him. I've been made painfully aware that we only have one life, one chance, one time - how should we spend it? For me, I don't want to spend it merely focused on me and loving myself or living for myself, I want to use it in a way that honors God and in a way that loves people enough to make an impact for His kingdom. I can only pray that I can love people the way He loves me.
As God continues to maneuver my life around His, and He is always changing things up when there aren't enough hours in my day, I'm thankful God always remains my best friend - no matter what I've said or done. He always comes to my rescue, even when I don't realize I need to be rescued. Just thankful.
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