Three Realizations

Well, wow, it’s been a while! I know, I know, where have I been? Well, sorta been all over the place, but geographically – been to Florida, Missouri, and just right here in Texas over the last few months. I am off to Whistler, Canada in two weeks for a much needed vacation! No, I didn’t stutter, I am actually taking a vacation! It’s been almost a full year since having a real vacation….you know, the kind where you get on an airplane and stay some where else other than your own house, you might sit at a beach or in some mountains, no agenda, like a real vacation. Anyhow, I won’t digress…..as you can tell, I’m mentally halfway on my vacation already! Ha!

Over the last three months, I’ve had to walk through a lot of…..well, stuff! It’s been a roller coaster ride from brokenness to fear, rejection to loss, frustration to disappointment, feeling over programmed, and just plain ole trying to determine what God wants my next step to be in life. I’ve come to a few realizations in this time, but the most branding realization that remains is this:

I need Jesus to breathe.

Jesus desires to meet me in my broken places, be invited into the places in my heart that no one can see, and He makes it new. He has used so much in my life over the last few months to truly make divine appointments with me, to meet with me, hear me, and remove the lies being screamed at me by the enemy.

I’ve learned: He never let’s go. HE. NEVER. LET’S. GO! I’ve heard this a zillion times before, from friends and even in worship music. Who can forget the song, “Oh no, He never let’s go, through the calm and through the storm….” (You get the rest). I’ve sang it a bunch of times, but never really grabbed hold of it’s meaning or realized to the depths of which I experience it. I was talking to a friend of mine about her personal struggles, and I could see so much of my own struggles in what she had been dealing with, and I made a comment on how amazing it was that she got through it all….and she said it, right there, unsolicited, “Kristina, He never let’s go.” That was it. Simple. But man did that stick with me like sap on a Christmas tree.

As we were singing the song, “Never Let Go” one morning during worship, I was moved to tears. No, not just tears, more like sobbing. No matter how much I screw up on a daily basis, no matter how major, there He is – He never let’s go of me. It immediately made me think of this passage:

"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost. – Matthew 18:12-14, NIV

Wow….look at what kind of love that is!! Which leads to my next realization:

God is so incredibly, undeniably – sovereign.

We cannot mess up God’s plan. I know, I know, some of the “free will” folks might jump into a theological debate on this one, but ultimately, God’s perfect plan cannot be thwarted. If we could mess up God’s plan, that would mean we would have more control than Him – and we don’t. Everything under the sun is ordained by Him, if it wasn’t, than He wouldn’t have all the control – and He does.

I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. – Job 42:2, NIV

How this plays in my life? Well, I’m thankful, even events in my life – personal or professional – that God is in FULL control. He knows that while I think I want something now, what He is about to do is so much greater, and I have to trust His provision. Why? Because His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts – ALL the time. He protects me, even when I think I’m not being protected. He provides for me, even when I think I’m not getting what I need. He counsels me, even when I feel like He is silent. He heals me, even when I think I’m broken beyond repair. He is just so good! I’m continuously blown away by the loving nature of our God. He is truly a loving Father, so compassionate, who longs to be the center of our world. His grace is more than we can fathom. It moves my heart to physically see the hand of God loving me in ways that I never knew possible.

My next realization: People will fail you. God will not fail you, ever.

Now you might be researching your database of people in your mind, holding on to the one person or few people you think will (or have) never let you down. I have news, they will let you down. I know, that sounds pessimistic, and I’m not really a pessimistic person. How do I know? Because, they are human beings. The only person who will never let you down, never leave you is Jesus Christ. He is there, always there, with open arms. You can’t earn Him, so I know to those of you who are perfectionists, that is a tough reality to grasp – even for you competition junkies. As competitive people or even perfectionists, or even at times – the people pleaser, we like to think we can earn His love by works, or how much we pray, or even how often we go to church, or a host of other “success indicators” that may help us feel like we are on the right track to earning God’s love. Well, you can’t earn God’s love. Nor can you out love God. He loves you, just the way you are – but He loves you too much to leave you that way.

Friends will hurt us. Family will hurt us. We will hurt friends and family at some point in time. It’s going to happen. We are human. God is not a God of hurt, sorrow, pain, or confusion – He is the ONLY rock in your life. He is the only thing that has the ability to sustain you, anything else is just a cheap imitation. Let Him tell you who you are, and no one else. He is your Father and knows you better than you know yourself, why would you want to trust anyone or anything else for your self-worth or identity?

These realizations have been hard, and hard learned. I’m confident God is sustaining me, preparing my steps, and providing me with wisdom and peace. We are all a work in progress, on a journey. Just as I am a girl on a journey, you are on a journey too – hopefully with our King.

I know this is the part of the blog that I usually say how I’m praying for you, and believe me, I am. However, this time, I’m going to be a prayer beggar. Could you please pray for me? Please pray God makes His next step for me so very clear, please pray that He blesses me with wisdom, peace, courage, and rock solid faith; please pray that He strips away any fear or pride within me, so that I may become more like Him; please pray that He gives me FULL confidence of Him who is in me so that I may fulfill the will He has for me and constantly be at the center of His will. I thank you so much in advance for these prayers!

I’m off to Kathmandu, Nepal for a mission trip in less than two months…..praise the Lord! More to come on that in the future……..please pray for that too, if you can, thank you so much! Love you, in Jesus name!

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KB