I'm alive. It's true. I know I haven't written in a while, but all in God's timing, right? This isn't a blog I use to write in just so my friends and family have something to read, but it is a way for me to use the spiritual gifts God has given me for His glory. Period. I don't write to keep a "following" but only in hopes that God uses it to bring people closer to Him through my journey with Him.
That being said, the last 8 weeks or so have been a whirlwind - in a good way. I now live in the Washington, DC area! Why? Well, it's an even longer story, but I will attempt to appease you with this explanation: God put me here. Plain and simple. I had always had a feeling God would bring me back here (I lived and worked here in 2005-2006), but didn't think it would be until much later on in life. I had my plan of going to a mission field for 2+ years, gaining some foreign language skills, having the time of my life, and then finally "settle" back in the DC area. Well, much like most of MY plans, God throws them out the window and gives me His. And to be honest, His are always much better. During this whirlwind, I started to doubt Him and whether or not my God would really call such an "unplanned" decision. A friend of mine gave me some great wisdom and said, "Kristina, God's timing isn't always about waiting on Him, sometimes it's about moving when He says move - even if it's sooner than you think." My friend was right. So here I am, each detail worked out for His glory.
Being back has provoked a lot of different thoughts and emotions. For one, it has made me realize how much I've grown in my walk with the Lord over the last few years. I've realized how much more I trust Him now, and how little I trusted Him back then. Lord, forgive me for not trusting you and taking your word to heart more than I could have. With all the surrounding nostalgia, I take no friendship for granted. I've learned God brings some people into your life for a season - for His purpose, and He can choose to take them out of your life - for His purpose also. I've learned that prestige and labels once held a higher place in my life, almost as an idol, which God thankfully removed. I now care less about the haughty surrounding of who knows who (even a temptation in ministry circles also), what you have done, where you have been, or how much money you bring in or donate. What matters is: how are you choosing to love God? He has already proven His love for you on a Cross, so how are you loving Him in return? Trust me, I'm asking myself these same questions as I write them.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. - Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, NIV
While sometimes in the storm of God changing everything around in our lives (and moving people in and out of our lives), it can be difficult to focus. Focus on what? It may be difficult to focus on anything other than how we are feeling. Well, it's not about us. Plain and simple, it may be difficult to focus on Him. I could say, "it may be difficult to focus on your job" or your direction, or a host of other things of no eternal value. However, I struggle to think we should focus on anything but Him. He is the prize. He is what we long for, our living God is the only thing we need through each time we live through. Times are temporary, and so are storms of life. What time are you in right now?
In this time, I have a job I love; a great, affordable place to live; some great girlfriends; supportive family; and above all, a Savior who is crazy about me. So, what's missing? Nothing. Even as I write that, it's difficult to push out the words because I do desire to get married one day, it is still a want. However, everything is considered a loss in comparison to the Cross. I want to live this out. My dreams, my wants, my stuff (tangible and intangible), everything - it's all His. When I became a new creation, all things of mine are gone. I give up the old life, for the new one. It is in this grace which I choose to live. This is a reality each and every day God gives me, His mercies are new everyday. While He gives me desires, I submit them to His ultimate authority which brings peace surpassing understanding.
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ, - Philippians 3:8, NIV
Anyhow, I encourage you to pray about what season God has you in, and what HE is saying to you. Focus on His voice, and not the voice of 19 other friends around you - which can create confusion. Faith seems foolish at times (just ask Noah or Moses!), and trust in what He is telling you. I encourage you to pray about what it means to give up ALL things for Jesus Christ (as I'm in the process of praying as well). You are not alone in this journey, He is with you - every step of the way. Praying for you as you read this!
In Him,
Kristina
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