Patience, Not Performance

When I was a little girl, I remember hearing "if you work hard enough for it, you'll get it." And it stuck.  Throughout my life, I've applied that same principle to all facets of my life, and I'll be the first to say, it backfires.  You see, you can work as hard as you want, but some times in life, there will be people who just don't like you for one reason or another.  There will be guys (or girls, depending on the gender of the person reading this!) who just won't ask you out;  there will be promotions you just don't get;  races you just don't win;  and there will be contests where you are not the victor.  It does not mean you are a failure, and it does not mean you didn't work hard, and it does not mean you are less valued.

In fact, quite the opposite.  You see, it's about patience.  It's also about perseverance.  While God does want to teach us to work hard for Him, and He will bless us for it, there is a much bigger lesson at hand.  Patience is a fruit of the Spirit, and He wants us to learn that too.  He also wants us to learn humility.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. - Romans 5:3-4, NIV

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. - Galatians 5:22-23, NIV

I write this from the perspective of someone who has failed miserably at being patient over the years.  You see, I thought it was all in my hands, the ball was always in my court, and I was always the one in control.  Afterall, I didn't want to be lazy, right?  However, years of believing it was all up to me, and if someone didn't like me, it was my fault.  Or if a relationship wasn't working out, it was because I wasn't working hard enough.  Or if I didn't get the promotion, it HAD to be because I didn't work hard enough. Everything in my life became based on my own performance.  Believe me, its a very stressful place to be for a very long time.  

More recently, I've seen God teaching me the principles of patience time and time again, and starting with a raw foundation of brokenness.  Isn't that where He often teaches us most?  We have no where else to go but God, and it is there He molds us in His likeness.  I'm learning its not always up to me to "fix it" but to let Him fix it.  I'm learning to let Him work instead of thinking I need to take matters into my own hands.  I'm learning to let Him deal with people and my relationships, instead of thinking I have to manage and be responsible for someone else's feelings or thoughts about me - or about themselves.  I'm learning to let Him provide for me financially in His time, as opposed to jumping three levels of tension to cover a problem that has happened yet.  And don't get me wrong, learning patience is exhausting!  But....the outcome is so much more peaceful, and the blessing is getting to see God's hands at work in my life as opposed to my own hands trying to do the work.

I have no idea what God has in store, but I know this helpless feeling I often feel is not helplessness but patience.  I'm resting in Him, choosing to persevere in His word by His promises.  I wait....   I wait for Him, I wait for Him to provide, I wait for Him to bless me financially, I wait for Him to bless me with a husband, I wait for Him to wipe my tears, I wait for Him to make me laugh, I wait for Him to open doors in my career, and I wait for Him to teach me more.  But patiently, and don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect at this!  I have to depend on God to do it, and it's not always easy, but I do know it's worth it.  

So today, I am choosing to be patient.  The Lord will continue to help me for tomorrow!