There are some days of my life I will never forget, and Friday February 1, 2013 can be added to that list. I'm not entirely sure what it's like for a soldier to come home from battle, but I can tell you I've "come home" after a different type of battle. For the last two days, I've slept and slept and slept. I've felt so exhausted. For the last couple of weeks, the fatigue has been pretty bad, but the last two days my body has been on strike! If I've been slow to respond or not answering emails, please consider this my apology. Sometimes the simplest tasks have taken such great energy. Today, I tried to exercise and was only able to complete 5 minutes on the elliptical after feeling completely exhausted. But I'm quick to remind myself, the battle I've endured is one God has prepared me for:
Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. O Lord, what is man that you care for him, the son of man that you think of him? Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow. - Psalm 144:1-4, NIV
In this season of exhaustion and fatigue, God is using it to remind me of being more of a Mary than a Martha. Always a huge lesson for me to learn, God isn't One to be appeased with my performance. He is to be pleased with my heart, just me being me.
Ironically, my oncologist wanted my blood tested on Friday - my last day of treatment. My appetite has been poor, so he ordered the test. My liver enzymes were sky high again (at 190 and 121), so they couldn't give me the anti-cancer drugs on Friday. I was actually so relieved, I had felt pretty sick to my stomach and was so ready to be done with IV drugs. For the last month, I've endured countless IVs, needles, injections, blood tests, side effects, and drugs. My right arm looks and feels bruised and mangled from so many IVs and blood draws. I'll even spare you from hearing about all of the side effects I've been weathering, but let's just say they don't make you feel all that pretty! Ha!
The nurses in the Infusion Center really do make all the difference in the world. My two nurses, Christina and Nina, were absolutely awesome. I can't say it enough, nurses are really used by God to spur you on in the ugly moments when you want to throw in the towel. I liked to joke with them a lot, to keep it lighthearted. I would always kid with Kathleen, the lady who took my vitals each day, when she'd finish taking my vitals, I'd say, "I'm not dying am I, Kathleen?" And she'd always say, "No Miss Baum! You are NOT dying, stop that!" Haha! They all got together and signed the back of a certificate for me, which I'll have for a long time:
After a quick IV of Zofran, they all gave me a hug, and I was out of there!!!!! My friend Sarah drove me home, and when I got home, my Mom had cooked an awesome meal. She also cleaned everything as a surprise for my birthday. I can't even begin to describe what an awesome feeling it was to walk out of the Infusion Center for the last time, I couldn't believe it. I had made it. The most traumatizing, challenging, and grueling month of my life, I survived. It was done. I finished high dose, the worst month of treatment for anyone with stage 3 malignant melanoma.
So, now what? Well, my body has to recover from the high dose IVs of Interferon drugs. So this week, we are hoping my blood platelets return to normal as well as my white blood cell count and my liver enzyme levels. Then I hope to try to return to work, and on February 12 I start half-dose injections of Interferon. The half-dose injections should be much less intense, although the oncologist said the fatigue would probably continue and hair loss can often occur in the 3rd and 4th months. The clinic will teach me to do them myself, and they will be administered three times a week for 40 weeks. If the fatigue gets to be too much, they will have to take me off of the drug all together. So we'll see.
Needless to say, I'm looking forward to putting ALL of this behind me someday. I've already saved up money to go on a vacation when treatment is completely done (and thanks to US Airways for writing me a $650 check at Christmas time when they bumped me off of my flight!). God provided, and I can't wait! Not sure where I'll go....maybe back to Hawaii, or maybe Costa Rica, who knows. I'm still figuring out how all of this fits in with my life, and what it means for everyone around me. One thing I still know for sure is that God has never abandoned me, and He is incredibly kind and patient with me.
I also just wanted to say thank you to you. Thank you for every person that has prayed for me and/or my family. Thank you for each person who has sent a card(s), bible verses, text messages, emails, FB posts, Instagram comments, and tweets. Thank you for the countless flowers which kept the house looking joyful and beautiful. Thank you for those who came to visit me and cheer me up. Thank you for each person who came to treatment with me, taking a day out of your life to cheer me on and let God use you to lift me up. Thank you to those who came to stay with me through the night as I tossed and turn from high fevers and pain. Thank you for the gifts of thoughtfulness and generosity. And just thank you for believing I could get through this.
No comments:
Post a Comment