If you know me, you know one of the many ways I try to make enduring cancer is to simply laugh. Sometimes the whole thing can be so intense, serious, and so "life or death" that I love an opportunity to turn it into a lighthearted exchange with lots of humor. At first people may think I have an entirely warped sense of humor, but I truly try to use it to put people at ease - especially those around me. I've learned that at my age, no one is really used to dealing with people who have cancer. And we shouldn't be. We're young; we're not swapping our favorite brands of wheelchairs, exchanging recipes of Metamucil milkshakes, and fencing with our canes in the aisles at the grocery store. Not yet. So, when you have loads of people around you, who have no earthly idea what to say when they find out you have "the Big C" - it can make for some hilarious stories! I have to say, 99% of the time, I'm not offended by ill-thought-out comments or questions at all. No one really knows the art of dealing with cancer, including myself. I don't know what to say half the time, so I certainly cannot expect everyone else to have the perfect thing to say. We're all human, and sometimes that is just hilarious.
Anyhow, by popular demand, I've come up with a "Top Ten" list of things people have said to me since I've been diagnosed that I find absolutely HILARIOUS! And I hope it tickles your funny bone, and puts you at ease as you weather this whole cancer thing with me. These are ACTUAL comments and questions people have said to me, I swear I am not making it up, not one bit. (Of course, I've held the names, so no one gets embarassed or feels "outed") I absolutely recognize that every person in my life, including those who have said the below statements, have only the best intentions and it all normally comes from a caring heart. But my goodness, sometimes it just comes out not how we put it all together in our heads! Haha! Without further delay, I give you the "Top Ten" list in unranked order:
1) "What?! You have melanoma cancer?! My grandmother DIED of that!"
2) Guy making conversation at social event the week I was diagnosed: "So what is one challenging thing that happened to you this past week?"
Me: "Well, I was diagnosed with cancer."
Guy: (awkward silence) "Wow, that sucks."
3) "You know, you should really tell more people that you have SKIN cancer and not regular cancer. When you tell people that you have cancer, it just sounds so much more serious. I mean, I was really worried when you said you had cancer, but skin cancer isn't that serious."
4) (all from different people) "Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the Alkaline diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the phytoplankton diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the Vitamin C diet? You don't need chemotherapy, too many chemicals. Just take 10 vitamin Cs, it's the same thing."
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you ever tried holistic medicine? There is a guy I know at a clinic in Minnesota, you should call him."
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"You know, if you just eat right, you won't need your doctors, or any drugs."
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you tried eating kale?"
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
5) "So, what else is new?"
6) "Well, yeah! They should let you work from home, I mean, you're like, DYING in your cubicle!"
7) (after discussing the fatigue and side effects from chemo drugs) "You know, I watch a lot of Oprah. She says if you just tell yourself you're not tired, then you won't be tired. You should just try it!"
8) "It can't be that bad, I mean, you still have your hair!"
9) (after hearing I was diagnosed) "Oh I know exactly how you feel, I was diagnosed with a Urinary Tract Infection."
10) "You need to make friends with PET/CT scanner. Touch it, and talk to it." (said with a straight face!)
BONUS: "So what are your odds?"
"So how long do you have to live?"
"So what are your chances?"
Ok, yes, these are all ACTUAL things people have said, totally straight face. Haha! Hilarious, I love it. It makes for the best stories, and keeps me laughing and smiling throughout this whole thing. I hope you find them as funny as I do!
As far as a medical update, I spent most of Saturday in the emergency room. Yes, that's right. No fun. You see, when I get a "cold" or a little sinus infection, it's actually a big deal. Because I'm still on cancer treatment drugs, an infection has the potential to legitimately kill me if I'm not careful. This is because my white blood cell count is usually low, and I cannot fight infections like everyone else. I have an upper respiratory infection, but oddly, it has come with a lot of nausea and I'm struggling to keep food/fluids down in my system. I was awake most of last night hugging a Gatorade bottle, and watching HGTV (that's Home & Garden Television for everyone back home....I have niether Home nor Garden, but it's fun to watch!). I should be an expert at remodeling kitchens by the time treatment is over, there's an upside! Next steps are to visit my oncologist tomorrow, and see what we can do. I'm already on anti-nausea medications, and I can't just go to CVS or Walgreens to use over-the-counter drugs. Because I'm on so many different perscription drugs right now, if you mix it with some OTCs, it can cause anything from hallucinations to seizures. This is why every single time I go to the doctor, they have to ask me what perscription medication I'm taking - even if they think it has not changed. We'll see what they want to do tomorrow. I'd love a break from the medication, but it would also keep me on a treatment plan that much longer - which I want off of all of it as soon as possible.
I'm very thankful for everyone's prayers, without them, this entire experience would be much more traumatic and unbearable. I have some of the best girlfriends anyone could ask for, seriously. I'm thankful I have friends that will sit with me and watch Soul Surfer about 28723 times, and bring over food. And especially SO thankful for friends who put up with my terrible memory in this season of my life. I seem to forget everything. Oh, and I almost forgot, also..... I've started losing my hair. Saturday night, a handful came out. There goes the neighborhood! It's really ok, I think what scared me at the time was how easy it just comes out. I may lose more, I may not lose anymore from this point forward. There is no certainty. I'm young, so that helps, but each person's body handles chemotherapy drugs differently, so I'm just not sure. It's just hair, at the end of the day. I'm incredibly grateful for everyone's support, it all can be emotionally exhausting. 102 more injections to go!
God has been so gracious, and I'm incredibly thankful for my local church as well. Every time I turn around, I hear of someone praying for me - and wanting to visit. It's very sweet, and God is continuously showing me that I need to let myself be cared for in this season. It's not easy, I'm the one used to serving others - not the other way around. I'm excited to see what my life will be like when all of this is behind me someday, and I pray I look more like Christ, and less like the girl who answered a phone call to change her life on September 25. Can you believe it's been six months?!
Anyhow, by popular demand, I've come up with a "Top Ten" list of things people have said to me since I've been diagnosed that I find absolutely HILARIOUS! And I hope it tickles your funny bone, and puts you at ease as you weather this whole cancer thing with me. These are ACTUAL comments and questions people have said to me, I swear I am not making it up, not one bit. (Of course, I've held the names, so no one gets embarassed or feels "outed") I absolutely recognize that every person in my life, including those who have said the below statements, have only the best intentions and it all normally comes from a caring heart. But my goodness, sometimes it just comes out not how we put it all together in our heads! Haha! Without further delay, I give you the "Top Ten" list in unranked order:
1) "What?! You have melanoma cancer?! My grandmother DIED of that!"
2) Guy making conversation at social event the week I was diagnosed: "So what is one challenging thing that happened to you this past week?"
Me: "Well, I was diagnosed with cancer."
Guy: (awkward silence) "Wow, that sucks."
3) "You know, you should really tell more people that you have SKIN cancer and not regular cancer. When you tell people that you have cancer, it just sounds so much more serious. I mean, I was really worried when you said you had cancer, but skin cancer isn't that serious."
4) (all from different people) "Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the Alkaline diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the phytoplankton diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you ever heard of the Vitamin C diet? You don't need chemotherapy, too many chemicals. Just take 10 vitamin Cs, it's the same thing."
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you ever tried holistic medicine? There is a guy I know at a clinic in Minnesota, you should call him."
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"You know, if you just eat right, you won't need your doctors, or any drugs."
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
"Have you tried eating kale?"
"Have you ever heard of the Gergen Diet?"
5) "So, what else is new?"
6) "Well, yeah! They should let you work from home, I mean, you're like, DYING in your cubicle!"
7) (after discussing the fatigue and side effects from chemo drugs) "You know, I watch a lot of Oprah. She says if you just tell yourself you're not tired, then you won't be tired. You should just try it!"
8) "It can't be that bad, I mean, you still have your hair!"
9) (after hearing I was diagnosed) "Oh I know exactly how you feel, I was diagnosed with a Urinary Tract Infection."
10) "You need to make friends with PET/CT scanner. Touch it, and talk to it." (said with a straight face!)
BONUS: "So what are your odds?"
"So how long do you have to live?"
"So what are your chances?"
Ok, yes, these are all ACTUAL things people have said, totally straight face. Haha! Hilarious, I love it. It makes for the best stories, and keeps me laughing and smiling throughout this whole thing. I hope you find them as funny as I do!
As far as a medical update, I spent most of Saturday in the emergency room. Yes, that's right. No fun. You see, when I get a "cold" or a little sinus infection, it's actually a big deal. Because I'm still on cancer treatment drugs, an infection has the potential to legitimately kill me if I'm not careful. This is because my white blood cell count is usually low, and I cannot fight infections like everyone else. I have an upper respiratory infection, but oddly, it has come with a lot of nausea and I'm struggling to keep food/fluids down in my system. I was awake most of last night hugging a Gatorade bottle, and watching HGTV (that's Home & Garden Television for everyone back home....I have niether Home nor Garden, but it's fun to watch!). I should be an expert at remodeling kitchens by the time treatment is over, there's an upside! Next steps are to visit my oncologist tomorrow, and see what we can do. I'm already on anti-nausea medications, and I can't just go to CVS or Walgreens to use over-the-counter drugs. Because I'm on so many different perscription drugs right now, if you mix it with some OTCs, it can cause anything from hallucinations to seizures. This is why every single time I go to the doctor, they have to ask me what perscription medication I'm taking - even if they think it has not changed. We'll see what they want to do tomorrow. I'd love a break from the medication, but it would also keep me on a treatment plan that much longer - which I want off of all of it as soon as possible.
I'm very thankful for everyone's prayers, without them, this entire experience would be much more traumatic and unbearable. I have some of the best girlfriends anyone could ask for, seriously. I'm thankful I have friends that will sit with me and watch Soul Surfer about 28723 times, and bring over food. And especially SO thankful for friends who put up with my terrible memory in this season of my life. I seem to forget everything. Oh, and I almost forgot, also..... I've started losing my hair. Saturday night, a handful came out. There goes the neighborhood! It's really ok, I think what scared me at the time was how easy it just comes out. I may lose more, I may not lose anymore from this point forward. There is no certainty. I'm young, so that helps, but each person's body handles chemotherapy drugs differently, so I'm just not sure. It's just hair, at the end of the day. I'm incredibly grateful for everyone's support, it all can be emotionally exhausting. 102 more injections to go!
God has been so gracious, and I'm incredibly thankful for my local church as well. Every time I turn around, I hear of someone praying for me - and wanting to visit. It's very sweet, and God is continuously showing me that I need to let myself be cared for in this season. It's not easy, I'm the one used to serving others - not the other way around. I'm excited to see what my life will be like when all of this is behind me someday, and I pray I look more like Christ, and less like the girl who answered a phone call to change her life on September 25. Can you believe it's been six months?!
Ah, yes, #4 is my favorite! This past summer I had a stranger stop me as I was walking out of the grocery store. He handed me his business card for a company that does alternative medicine. Fun stuff. Your posts bring me joy, Kristina. I'm sorry about your hair. I remember praising God for always knowing the number of hairs on my head even as they fell out. Still praying, Sandi
ReplyDeleteOh my GOSH. Lol, no WAY. This is a GREAT list full of offensive, awkward and funny reactions all wrapped into one. What a great outlook you keep during this time. So many lives you're touching!
ReplyDelete