I know it's not a BuzzFeed "listicle" but if I had to sum up what I've learned so far, this is what I've tried to quantify. But without further delay, I give you the list:
1) Laugh as much as humanly possible.
Hire a clown. Rent funny movies. Call your hilarious friends. Make fun of your own illness. Do whatever it takes. Humor truly makes things much easier. Having friends that would engage in humor with me over my circumstances brought life to my day, and I believe God used this as a tremendous blessing to find joy in the worst of circumstances.
2) Get a pet.
I know the timing seems rough, but trust me. Adopt a cat, get a dog, whatever. Having a furry friend truly helps. It's lighthearted, fun, and a great sense of company in the midst of your suffering. You'll be spending A LOT of time at home in your pajamas, and having a pet can truly be evidence of God's grace as they just want to play or be loved. My Mom brought my cat from her house to my apartment in DC, and another friend of mine with sarcoma got a puppy. You won't regret it.
3) People don't know what to say, and neither do you.
This is a bumpy road. People WILL say the wrong thing. People may also say nothing at all. People will also just let their actions do the talking. It's a mish mash and no one will ever get it right 100% of the time. Thankfully, there is grace! As a patient, you have two options: get upset and hold it against them, or give them grace and move on. It's a hard thing to weather at first because your whole world gets flipped upside down and you have no idea who you can depend on for practical help. But the truth is, even as a patient, you have no idea what to say either. How do you actually tell someone you have cancer? It feels weird for the words to even leave your lips. So, no one really ever knows what to say, you just have to get through it and know a basic human compassion and love exists because God who IS love exists. If they are close friends, maybe have the conversation about it, and get back to the fight. Support makes a world of difference, and God is always there with open arms. We all need grace, and Lord knows I've certainly needed extra grace from family/friends throughout this season!
4) There is a big difference between a cancer patient on treatment, and a cancer patient NOT on treatment.
When you are on treatment, life can be extra challenging. Depending on the type of chemo you are getting, everyone's bodies respond differently. But common side effects are hair loss, nausea, vomiting, skin rash, swollen everything from fluids, heightened sense of smell, aches, fevers, chills, oversleeping, sleeplessness, chemo brain aka forgetfulness, seizures, and of course, dangerously low immunity and white blood cell counts, low platelets, weight loss or weight gain, low neutrophils, and dangerously high liver enzymes (aka border line liver disease). All this considered, you can't go to many public places because you'll get sick, if you can even go at all. You cannot consume any alcoholic beverages and you can't just take a tylenol for your headache. When you get sick, you can't just walk into a pharmacy and get something to make you feel better - how it acts with the chemo drugs you are on can be life or death. So, for any sneeze or illness you have to call your oncologist immediately. It's life altering. Many times its an infection while on chemo is what kills a cancer patient. You have to be so careful. The fatigue is horrendous, and flying anywhere for a visit feels out of the question.
5) "If you have hair, you don't have cancer."
Ah yes.....the rule often most joked about. For some reason, if I tell people I have cancer, some might say, "but you have hair!" Haha! I want to say, "You're right! I must not have cancer...." All joking aside, hair can give the appearance we're all ok and nothing is wrong. Not everyone loses hair on treatment. One girl I know had chemo for six weeks and never lost a hair on her head, has gorgeous blond hair to this day. Everyone's body is different.
6) God is sovereign.
Now I realize not everyone will like this one. But this is what I've learned. My healing is NOT up to me, it is up to God. My healing is not dependent on anything I do, or don't do, or what "level" of faith I may have - it is always, and forever, up to God Himself. And I trust Him, because He is a loving God who cares for His children that no matter my outcome, He is using it for my good and His (Romans 8:28). God can do anything, at any time. Satan was defeated on the Cross, and God is on the throne as King. I rest in God's sovereignty, knowing He is in control and He is trustworthy.
7) Nurses make a massive difference.
I became friends with the nurses I've had. They make a massive difference in how to weather this thing, and a caring hand and warm smile can seriously put you at ease in the midst of what can be the most fearful time of your life. Nurses, I salute you!
8) You need people. You have to ask for help, even if it hurts.
This was hard for me. My family is over a thousand miles away so I had to depend on people for help. If they back out at the last minute in taking me to appointments, I have to scramble to find someone else who can take off of work. It's hard, it's humbling, even compromising, it doesn't always feel good, you may even feel like a burden (which feels worse when people say no), but you have to ask for help. Bite the bullet, get over yourself, and just do it. Cancer is vulnerable and personal, and it feels weird, I get it. I can't say it gets easier, but you do grow in some beautiful and awesome friendships as a result.
9) Never take your physical ability for granted, ever.
When you are on treatment, as I mentioned earlier, you cannot do a whole lot. Exercise is out of the question usually, at least it was for me. Now I never want to take it for granted. Go running, ride a bike, go swimming, climb something, go kayaking, go hiking, simply because you can! If you are healthy, embrace it. Enjoy it. Get out there and do it for those who can't. Physical ability is a blessing from our King Himself, embracing it is a way to worship Him.
10) Buy the dorky, extra large-print pill box.
Just do it. It makes life easier.
11) Cancer is kind of a big deal.
I severely underestimated how much this illness would impact my life. It was like trying to clean up an oil spill with a paper towel, it bled into everything. When your in it, somehow it just feels surreal and you can't survey the damage just yet. But after it's been your "way of life" for a while, you realize just how big of a bomb it has been. It's a huge battle, a life-threatening illness, a life changing ordeal in a zillion ways.
12) Hospital food is really not awesome.
Ok, so the first day or two, not bad. But after a week or two weeks, you just want some Chick Fil A or anything at all but hospital food. I don't know what it is, but it is just less than desirable. I'm sure it doesn't help that a bunch of sick people eat it all the time, and when your sick, you probably think everything tastes terrible. I don't know, but my advice is, if you know a sick person in the hospital, offer to smuggle in food of their choice. Ha!
13) Suffer well.
Cancer is an unfortunate circumstance, we all can agree. But, I believe it is also an opportunity to show the world that God is still good and He can still be trusted. People would often ask me in the first few months of diagnosis, "Why aren't you mad at God?" I would just smile and say, "How can I be mad at a God who loves me so much?" Cancer is an opportunity to put your focus on God, and less of your self. In a selfie-addicted culture, we're tempted to believe it is all about us. But in cancer, the daily prayer is to keep our focus on God. He has a zillion amazing promises to us whether we have cancer or not, but cancer just illuminates the eye and stage of which an unbelieving world can see how trustworthy our God truly is. Despite every circumstance, we still have it SO good and God is still so good, no matter what.
14) You get loads of unsolicited diet and medical advice.
Every single solitary cancer patient I talk to mentions this - we all seem to get loads of diet and medical advice from well-meaning people, but 97% of the time they are not doctors and they do not know us that well, and they've never had cancer. It's astonishing. I'm not sure what possesses a person to think they know what's best for someone without reading their medical chart and attempt to influence major life-changing health decisions on a person, but people do it. It just kinda feels like they are trying to "sell" you something. I've learned, through my own repentance and prayer, to give these people grace..... and to authorize any of my friends to slap me in the face if I ever do this! Ha! On the bright side, I've become well versed in a multitude of "alternative" diets and treatment plans. I'm not ashamed to say that modern medicine, by God's grace, has saved my life.
15) Be a prayer beggar.
Honestly, ask for prayer. I made the decision to be open about my diagnosis from day one for one reason only: I wanted prayer. I was willing to take prayer from anyone who was willing to give it. I knew I did not have the answers, and even doctors may not have all the answers, but God did have every answer to anything and everything. I didn't want to doubt Him, and I knew I'd need prayer to get through it. There is nothing more loving than someone seeking the Creator of the universe on your behalf.
16) The thought of IVs and/or vaccines is no big deal now.
Anytime I need an IV or a vaccine now, it does not bother me. Perhaps it was the 4 intra-muscular needles injecting burning nuclear medicine in my arm simultaneously before my first surgery that did it, or the shots of heprin (burning solution given subcutaneously through injection before surgery to prevent blood clotting) - but needles barely phase me now. I had once calculated that I had over 107 injections over the period of 8 months, and I have no idea what that number is now. Bring on my next flu shot!
1) Laugh as much as humanly possible.
Hire a clown. Rent funny movies. Call your hilarious friends. Make fun of your own illness. Do whatever it takes. Humor truly makes things much easier. Having friends that would engage in humor with me over my circumstances brought life to my day, and I believe God used this as a tremendous blessing to find joy in the worst of circumstances.
2) Get a pet.
I know the timing seems rough, but trust me. Adopt a cat, get a dog, whatever. Having a furry friend truly helps. It's lighthearted, fun, and a great sense of company in the midst of your suffering. You'll be spending A LOT of time at home in your pajamas, and having a pet can truly be evidence of God's grace as they just want to play or be loved. My Mom brought my cat from her house to my apartment in DC, and another friend of mine with sarcoma got a puppy. You won't regret it.
3) People don't know what to say, and neither do you.
This is a bumpy road. People WILL say the wrong thing. People may also say nothing at all. People will also just let their actions do the talking. It's a mish mash and no one will ever get it right 100% of the time. Thankfully, there is grace! As a patient, you have two options: get upset and hold it against them, or give them grace and move on. It's a hard thing to weather at first because your whole world gets flipped upside down and you have no idea who you can depend on for practical help. But the truth is, even as a patient, you have no idea what to say either. How do you actually tell someone you have cancer? It feels weird for the words to even leave your lips. So, no one really ever knows what to say, you just have to get through it and know a basic human compassion and love exists because God who IS love exists. If they are close friends, maybe have the conversation about it, and get back to the fight. Support makes a world of difference, and God is always there with open arms. We all need grace, and Lord knows I've certainly needed extra grace from family/friends throughout this season!
4) There is a big difference between a cancer patient on treatment, and a cancer patient NOT on treatment.
When you are on treatment, life can be extra challenging. Depending on the type of chemo you are getting, everyone's bodies respond differently. But common side effects are hair loss, nausea, vomiting, skin rash, swollen everything from fluids, heightened sense of smell, aches, fevers, chills, oversleeping, sleeplessness, chemo brain aka forgetfulness, seizures, and of course, dangerously low immunity and white blood cell counts, low platelets, weight loss or weight gain, low neutrophils, and dangerously high liver enzymes (aka border line liver disease). All this considered, you can't go to many public places because you'll get sick, if you can even go at all. You cannot consume any alcoholic beverages and you can't just take a tylenol for your headache. When you get sick, you can't just walk into a pharmacy and get something to make you feel better - how it acts with the chemo drugs you are on can be life or death. So, for any sneeze or illness you have to call your oncologist immediately. It's life altering. Many times its an infection while on chemo is what kills a cancer patient. You have to be so careful. The fatigue is horrendous, and flying anywhere for a visit feels out of the question.
5) "If you have hair, you don't have cancer."
Ah yes.....the rule often most joked about. For some reason, if I tell people I have cancer, some might say, "but you have hair!" Haha! I want to say, "You're right! I must not have cancer...." All joking aside, hair can give the appearance we're all ok and nothing is wrong. Not everyone loses hair on treatment. One girl I know had chemo for six weeks and never lost a hair on her head, has gorgeous blond hair to this day. Everyone's body is different.
6) God is sovereign.
Now I realize not everyone will like this one. But this is what I've learned. My healing is NOT up to me, it is up to God. My healing is not dependent on anything I do, or don't do, or what "level" of faith I may have - it is always, and forever, up to God Himself. And I trust Him, because He is a loving God who cares for His children that no matter my outcome, He is using it for my good and His (Romans 8:28). God can do anything, at any time. Satan was defeated on the Cross, and God is on the throne as King. I rest in God's sovereignty, knowing He is in control and He is trustworthy.
7) Nurses make a massive difference.
I became friends with the nurses I've had. They make a massive difference in how to weather this thing, and a caring hand and warm smile can seriously put you at ease in the midst of what can be the most fearful time of your life. Nurses, I salute you!
8) You need people. You have to ask for help, even if it hurts.
This was hard for me. My family is over a thousand miles away so I had to depend on people for help. If they back out at the last minute in taking me to appointments, I have to scramble to find someone else who can take off of work. It's hard, it's humbling, even compromising, it doesn't always feel good, you may even feel like a burden (which feels worse when people say no), but you have to ask for help. Bite the bullet, get over yourself, and just do it. Cancer is vulnerable and personal, and it feels weird, I get it. I can't say it gets easier, but you do grow in some beautiful and awesome friendships as a result.
9) Never take your physical ability for granted, ever.
When you are on treatment, as I mentioned earlier, you cannot do a whole lot. Exercise is out of the question usually, at least it was for me. Now I never want to take it for granted. Go running, ride a bike, go swimming, climb something, go kayaking, go hiking, simply because you can! If you are healthy, embrace it. Enjoy it. Get out there and do it for those who can't. Physical ability is a blessing from our King Himself, embracing it is a way to worship Him.
10) Buy the dorky, extra large-print pill box.
Just do it. It makes life easier.
11) Cancer is kind of a big deal.
I severely underestimated how much this illness would impact my life. It was like trying to clean up an oil spill with a paper towel, it bled into everything. When your in it, somehow it just feels surreal and you can't survey the damage just yet. But after it's been your "way of life" for a while, you realize just how big of a bomb it has been. It's a huge battle, a life-threatening illness, a life changing ordeal in a zillion ways.
12) Hospital food is really not awesome.
Ok, so the first day or two, not bad. But after a week or two weeks, you just want some Chick Fil A or anything at all but hospital food. I don't know what it is, but it is just less than desirable. I'm sure it doesn't help that a bunch of sick people eat it all the time, and when your sick, you probably think everything tastes terrible. I don't know, but my advice is, if you know a sick person in the hospital, offer to smuggle in food of their choice. Ha!
13) Suffer well.
Cancer is an unfortunate circumstance, we all can agree. But, I believe it is also an opportunity to show the world that God is still good and He can still be trusted. People would often ask me in the first few months of diagnosis, "Why aren't you mad at God?" I would just smile and say, "How can I be mad at a God who loves me so much?" Cancer is an opportunity to put your focus on God, and less of your self. In a selfie-addicted culture, we're tempted to believe it is all about us. But in cancer, the daily prayer is to keep our focus on God. He has a zillion amazing promises to us whether we have cancer or not, but cancer just illuminates the eye and stage of which an unbelieving world can see how trustworthy our God truly is. Despite every circumstance, we still have it SO good and God is still so good, no matter what.
14) You get loads of unsolicited diet and medical advice.
Every single solitary cancer patient I talk to mentions this - we all seem to get loads of diet and medical advice from well-meaning people, but 97% of the time they are not doctors and they do not know us that well, and they've never had cancer. It's astonishing. I'm not sure what possesses a person to think they know what's best for someone without reading their medical chart and attempt to influence major life-changing health decisions on a person, but people do it. It just kinda feels like they are trying to "sell" you something. I've learned, through my own repentance and prayer, to give these people grace..... and to authorize any of my friends to slap me in the face if I ever do this! Ha! On the bright side, I've become well versed in a multitude of "alternative" diets and treatment plans. I'm not ashamed to say that modern medicine, by God's grace, has saved my life.
15) Be a prayer beggar.
Honestly, ask for prayer. I made the decision to be open about my diagnosis from day one for one reason only: I wanted prayer. I was willing to take prayer from anyone who was willing to give it. I knew I did not have the answers, and even doctors may not have all the answers, but God did have every answer to anything and everything. I didn't want to doubt Him, and I knew I'd need prayer to get through it. There is nothing more loving than someone seeking the Creator of the universe on your behalf.
16) The thought of IVs and/or vaccines is no big deal now.
Anytime I need an IV or a vaccine now, it does not bother me. Perhaps it was the 4 intra-muscular needles injecting burning nuclear medicine in my arm simultaneously before my first surgery that did it, or the shots of heprin (burning solution given subcutaneously through injection before surgery to prevent blood clotting) - but needles barely phase me now. I had once calculated that I had over 107 injections over the period of 8 months, and I have no idea what that number is now. Bring on my next flu shot!
Fantastic post! I really admire you sharing your thoughts and experiences. This is the type of post that can truly make a difference as a form of encouragement for those in the fight. My name is Emily by the way and I had a quick question about your blog. Please feel free to email me back whenever you get the chance. Thanks again and please keep writing posts like these!
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