Well hello 2013! It's here and January 7th is rapidly approaching. I haven't posted a pic in a while, so here is a fun pic from New Years Eve as I rang in the New Year with a wonderful group of girlfriends who love Jesus (I'm in bottom center, long blond hair):
Today I finished up my first round of blood and enzyme testing, which the hospital will be doing each week (or maybe twice a week) once Monday arrives. The blood and enzyme testing allows my oncologist to keep up with my white blood cell count and liver enzymes. If they get too low, the oncologist has to take action. In reality, they are expected to become very low, but I guess he has to monitor it for a number of reasons. On Friday, I have a neurology check-up on the nerve issues I've been having post-surgery (the last one). I'm set to begin treatment at 9:30 am on January 7th, and I'll have to stay there for a few hours as the nurses/doctors at the Infusion Center (that's what they call the chemo/immuno room) have to make sure I do not have any negative reactions to the drugs. After they let me go, I have to go downstairs to my oncological dermatology check up with Dr. Venna. This appointment will be an important one, as he is expected to check me over for any cancerous or tumor development on my skin. Last time (October 3rd), he marked down a couple suspicious areas and I'm sure he'll revisit those to make sure melanoma isn't surfacing in other areas of my body - especially my left arm (since I now have no lymph nodes to help fight it). I have to have oncological dermatology check-ups every 2-3 months for the next 2 years, so here we go!
A lot of this can be overwhelming at times, as I'm sure I've mentioned that. Trying to determine how this all fits in with my life can be a major challenge. Ironically, three of my doctors have said I must have a low stress environment throughout this month. Hopefully everything will run smoother than this past week, when I got a flat tire! I know these things happen, and I'm learning to just take a deep breath and roll with it. A friend of mine once said while in Hawaii when discussing my diagnosis, "Life goes on." How true! Bottom line, the world will most likely not end tomorrow and I will get with God and take on the day. My relationship with the Lord is such a deep relationship, we have good days and bad days, but I know He is always there and as I reach out to Him, He reaches out to me. God couldn't have been more vulnerable with me as He was when He laid His only Son on the cross for me, and the amazing part is that He would have done it even if I was the only one who needed saving. In return, I've come to sincerely appreciate and long for the moments when I can be utterly vulnerable before God - just laying all my stuff out there for Him to see. He knows it all anyway, but there is just such a deep relationship that occurs when I go to Him with everything, and anything. I can tell Him I'm scared, I can tell Him I'm confused, I can tell Him I'm hurting, I can tell Him I'm excited, I can tell Him I feel exhausted, I can tell Him I'm stressed, I can tell Him I'm overwhelmed, I can tell Him I can't wait to see what He has planned, I can tell Him I need Him, I can tell Him I don't understand why He loves me so much, and the list goes on. Authenticity. What a cherished fruit we have in relationship with God!
So, last week when I had physical therapy, the physical therapist explained to me a few life changes that have to occur:
* I must avoid sunburns, saunas, and hot tubs (no extreme temperatures)
* I can no longer have shots, bloodwork, injections done on my left arm
* If I get any cuts, insect bites, or animals scratches on my left arm, I have to seek treatment immediately
* I must avoid carrying heavy purses, handbags, grocery bags, or suitcases on my left side
* I must avoid tight wrist bands, jewelry, or blood pressure cuffs on my left arm
To be honest, I'm not super fantastic at following all these "rules" as at times, I just have to make due with what I have (carrying lap top, groceries, water jugs, suitcases). I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and leaving the rest up to the Lord. A few verses come to mind as I pray about trusting Him and having peace:
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and also in me. - John 14:1, NIV
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. - Proverbs 14:30, NIV
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. - John 14:27, NIV
It's all in His hands. My Mom arrives on January 6th to be with me and to help me get through the first week of treatment. I've mentioned the side effects before, and we can certainly pray (and have prayed) that there are none, and if they surface, we pray they are minimal. I did learn recently though that hair loss is usually expected in the 3rd or 4th month of treatment, and it appears as though if it doesn't occur by the 6th month, then it usually won't occur. So, we'll see what happens over time. God has really provided some wonderful encouragement through friends on this topic, and I'm SO very grateful! I mean it, I can't say enough just how encouraging it is to hear of people praying for me. God really does use it to energize me to keep fighting, to get up when I don't think I can, to dust myself off if I'm feeling defeated, and to just keep my heart focused on His kindness.
"There is a Heaven within the souls of the saints - that is a certain truth; no soul shall ever come to Heaven, but the soul which has Heaven come to it first. When you die, you hope you will go to Heaven; but if you will go to Heaven when you die, Heaven will come to you before you die." - Jeremiah Burroughs, from the book 'The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment', pg. 75
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