I walked in the sliding doors and saw a new group of waiting sick people, a lot of them looked really sad. This time I was at the National Rehabilitation Hospital for follow-up health after my last surgery with hopes to regain full mobility in my left arm, my first time back in a hospital after vacation. I met a new set of nurses and doctors, as well as hospital staff. It was interesting to me, a lot of the patients at the other two hospitals seemed in different spirits than the ones at the rehabilitation hospital. Perhaps they have been working at rehabilitating from major surgeries for quite some time, and it is easy to just get tired and worn down. I'm not too sure. I filled out a new load of paperwork, and went on back to meet a new doctor (for those of you keeping track at home, this is my 9th doctor to add to the collection - if you don't count the second opinion guy).
Dr. W (I seriously can't pronounce his last name) tested me for lymphadema and host of other ailments. I tested "ok" for lymphadema, which is apparently a condition you can develop after you've had massive chunks of your lymphatic system removed. It causes major swelling in the area of where you've had lymph nodes removed (for me, it would be my left arm). While I don't have it now, I was told that I am most at risk for developing lymphadema between 6-12 months after surgery. He also went on to explain that the lymphatic system helps the body to fight infection, so my immunity will be permanently "injured" from here on out and stressed the need to take extra care of the left side of my body against germs, infection, etc. Basically, if I get any kind of cut or open wound in the region of my lymph nodes were removed, I have to take extra care and have it examined by a doctor (he even said to be extra careful with manicures, argh!).
More recently, I've been focusing on casting my anxieties and cares on the Lord. All of this can be incredibly overwhelming at times, not to mention the regular ups and downs of regular life. I'm no superwoman, I utterly need God's help to do everything and anything.
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. - Psalm 55:22, NIV
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7, NIV (emphasis added mine)
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. - Psalm 94:19, NIV
There are times when the prognosis is troubling, and there are times where I'm more aware of the cross it is to bear. However, I do trust that God would not allow any of this unless it was for my good - and His. God IS in control, always. I trust that He will bring beauty out of it, and my hope is that He will bring my heart out of it a more pure heart which resembles His heart even more. To marvel at the truth, "he cares for me" is a big statement from a God with a HUGE heart. And to know He consoles me, and He has promised to sustain me. These are not small promises, and God is not a small God.
As a prayer request, I ask that you please pray for me to get rest. Though I slept wonderfully in Hawaii, since returning the sleepless nights have returned as well. Today the doctor referred me to a neurologist for some leg pain and nerve issues to do with not sleeping well (since these problems have only started post-surgery), so not sure what will come of that but hopefully it can help me to get some quality sleep. Or the other solution is to simply move to Hawaii.....since I slept so good there! Ha, just kidding! ...but tempting!
Also, I did want to mention something that has been on my heart lately as a few people have been asking me, "what seems to help you?" and likewise, "what seems to not help you?" Although, I'd say considering my conversations with other cancer patients, there seems to be a consensus among us. One of the best ways you can love a cancer patient, is to NOT offer free unsolicited, medical advice. The best way I can explain it is to say, when you are diagnosed, your mind takes on a million different trains of thought. Half the time you are trying to simply learn what it is you have been diagnosed with, and the other part of the time you are trying to understand the course of treatment from doctors and how you got sick in the first place. In the beginning, you have about 4-5 doctors explaining different facets of treatment and ordering numerous tests, surgeries, biopsies, bloodwork, etc. And it's all done very quickly. So, all that to say, the thought of trying to take on different therapies, treatments, diets, courses of action, machines, etc. is so incredibly overwhelming for a sick person. It puts a person in overload. Now I do understand that at times friends/family are just as fearful as the patient, and when people are afraid they want to take control. And when they take control, one of the ways people do that is to research on their own and find medical solutions for their loved one no matter what they may be. It is heartfelt and considerate, but from experience, I can say it usually only adds stress to a cancer patient.
So what can you do to not feel helpless if someone you love is sick and fighting a fatal illness? Pray. Please, please, please do not think prayer doesn't do anything. Please know that if you pray, this is THE best and most pro-active action item you can do for someone, not to mention it is incredibly loving. So many times, I've become convinced that when we care - we think we have to do something tangible. We think we have to feel it, touch it, hold it out and wrap it up with a bow and give it to someone for them to see that we did something to ease their fears, to ease their pain. But what I'm saying is there is something much greater, that has an eternal value with no shelf life. Please just pray. If it helps, write them a note or an email letting them know you prayed for them. Trust me, this goes a VERY long way. You could even take further stress off of them by letting them know they don't have to write you back, encourage them to rest (think about it - if you were a patient and got 47 of these emails, trying to respond to each of them can take an entire day which can get tiring).
For myself, and I've probably said this before, the most loving thing someone can do for me is to pray for me. Even if they offer to come over or pray WITH me on the phone, this does wonders and continuously helps me put my future and my life in God's hands. There is no substitute for God our Healer. And the more you care for someone by praying for them, it will only strengthen YOUR relationship with God in the process. You become a tool used by Him for His glory alone, you become a part of the victory, and you are a warrior for the King Himself. What greater honor!? Even Jesus, the night He was taken captive to be crucified, stopped and prayed.
They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to His disciples, "Sit here while I pray." - Matthew 14:32, NIV
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. - Ephesians 6:18, NIV
I thank you ahead of time for your prayers. For taking the time to care out of compassion and kindness, to seek our Father on my behalf. Please know if you are taking the time to read this, I'm so grateful for your heartfelt concern and graciousness. God is so good to want to use you in my life! God has graciously used you to meet needs that I have, and to not have to weather this storm alone - but with you and with Him. Thank you!! A cancer patient is not a charity case or a cause, but another human being with feelings, in need just like you and me. We all have needs, and weaknesses, and some level of poverty (albeit physical, emotional, or spiritual) that God graciously responds to meet in us. Taking the time to care, to encourage, to PRAY, to lift up and build up a person in need for His glory - regardless of their ailment - pours living water on a parched soul. Grateful for you, and grateful for His grace - and even more grateful for what He may have ahead for His glory.
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