First of all, I got back from Hawaii today. It's great to see friends again, and call them in the same time zone of course, but I definitely have to say I'm going to miss waking up to the face of God in Waikiki Beach each morning! So, to zip through the usual questions:
Q: "How was it?"
A: It was amazing! I had SUCH a fun and relaxing time! It's always touches my heart to see God knowing what I need, and taking it upon Himself to meet that need. I slept well each night I was in Waikiki Beach, and without the help of any prescriptions! This is a massive relief for me, as I had such trouble sleeping before going on the trip and doctors were getting concerned that if I wasn't getting enough sleep then my body wouldn't heal the way it needed. Hopefully I stay on this path! I had such great quiet times with the Lord by reading His word, journaling, and spending a good deal of time in prayer. God is just so beautiful and so loving, I felt like Daddy's little princess each day (I do in DC too most of the time, but this was just God showing off!). I'm just so, so thankful!
Q: "How are you feeling?"
A: Feeling pretty good at the moment. Believe it or not, I DID go surfing! (This verse sums it up: Psalm 18:29) I decided to take a lesson the first day in case I needed any help paddling (the instructor would tow me in or out to the wave break) and just to see how it felt. The first time pushing myself up on the board stung a bit, so I just had to take my time a little more than usual. The paddling wasn't too bad, but if it's not something you do on a regular basis - you WILL get sore after a day or two or paddling. Needless to say, I'm super sore but the really good news is that my left arm has nearly gained full range of motion back! So, while I may have been pushing myself by surfing, it really has helped me use my arm more and hopefully physical therapy won't have to be as extensive now. As far as energy level, I'm tired at the moment! But I'm hoping all will stay just fine until I have to begin treatment on January 7.
I will say that there were days where I would completely forget about being a cancer patient all together for HOURS at a time, and I would completely forget about upcoming treatment. I also noticed myself not overly focusing on any dreams or desires I have for myself, and I attribute this to quiet times I had with the Lord leading up to the trip. You see, I've surrendered EVERYTHING to the Lord. Now, this doesn't mean I don't have desires at all; my desires simply are not demands on God, and they are desires for His glory - no matter the cost. I believe if we are not careful, our desires morph into demands we put on God and eventually bitterness as opposed to humble requests we submit to God for His glory alone. The minute I decided to serve the Lord and spend my life in His footsteps to be like Him, my dreams become property of the Lord. There are times in my walk with God when I look back and notice Him having to pry things or ideas from my tightly clenched fists, but once they were gone I could only experience freedom. The freedom I live in at this very moment is from not holding fast to anything but God. Everything in my life is His, and everything He wants to do with my life is up to Him. Everything.
Interestingly enough, my friend told me about a man who has terminal brain cancer who is a believer and may have mere months to live. The man had said the diagnosis was much tougher on his wife, but to be honest, he had never felt closer to God than he does now in his final months. He said he didn't even know life with God could be so amazing this side of heaven. I relate to this all too well. When we hold loosely to our lives and our "stuff" acknowledging that it all belongs to God anyway, it is then we are truly free in Him. We can never lose anything, only gain. I pray this makes sense to you, as it is something I've been continuously having to learn and grasp. To be honest, I've never felt more free. As I've often mentioned, when I take my eyes off my King and put them on me, myself, or I - it is then that I find myself full of anxiety, worry, anger, self-pity, insecurity, etc.
No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame...." - Psalm 25:3a, NIV
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant. - Psalm 25:10, NIV
As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. - James 5:11, NIV
In the eyes of the Kingdom, I feel so small and recognize myself as small because my Father is so big (John 3:30). I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I serve the One who does. With my survival rate at 62-74% of seeing my 40th birthday, I'm flooded with the reminder that not even one of us has a guarantee of living another 10 years - anything can happen. The only difference between you and me, is at this moment in time, I may have medical knowledge of my own statistics. We are not promised tomorrow, not one of us. While I encourage you - and myself - to wait upon the Lord (Psalm 33:20), don't waste what you have in front of you today. I'm encouraged to love deeper, give bigger, watch TV less, take more time to rest, let the little stuff roll off my shoulders, and seek Him every second I am able. It's ALL because God is so gracious.
I'm constantly encouraged by my brothers and sisters in Christ, and their own relationships with Jesus Christ - and this trip was another wonderful example (and blessing!) of that encouragement. I'm beyond grateful for your prayers, and for God's divine appointments. I leave you with a scene of Waikiki Beach that took my breath away, if this picture even does His handiwork justice:
The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters. - Psalm 24:1-2, NIV
No comments:
Post a Comment