Tomorrow (Monday Oct 8) at 2pm I go to the hospital again for a needle aspiration biopsy test which should tell us if the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes, my friend Tara is coming with me again - praise the Lord for her! If it has spread to my lymph nodes, then the cancer will be at stage 3. Either way, the doctors plan on doing a full scan to determine if the cancer has metastasized and spread to other organs. If it has spread to other organs, then the cancer will be at stage 4 and my options will be limited. However, we're not thinking that far down the road quite yet. :-) I realize the size of my cancer (being a T4 - the largest on the scale) indicates that stage 3 is a strong possibility, so we can pray that it is NOT stage 3 or if so, that is where it stops. Furthermore, my surgery HAS been scheduled for Friday October 12. Injections of radioactive dye and anesthesia will start at 10 am, then the actual surgery begins at 12 noon. I'm not sure how long the surgery will take, as the results of the needle aspiration test will tell the doctors what kind of surgery to do - remove all lymph nodes vs. removing only three lymph nodes. Also, we are still waiting on a second opinion from Boston University, so that should hopefully arrive tomorrow (Monday) also.
The last few days my energy level has been dramatically low and I've been running a mild fever, which I'm told is a result of my body fighting off the mass that is not there. Also, my arm began bleeding in a different spot (5-6 inches below the cancer site) last night for no reason. This is highly unusual and I emailed my oncologist this morning to let him know, as I have no clue why that started. It seems to be ok now, so hopefully its nothing but a simple little speed bump. I'm told that cancer can kind of be like a bee-hive, once its messed with, it gets angry and unpredictable and cells can disperse. Since this has never happened to me, I have no idea how true that is, but I'm hoping these little hiccups are just a beehive reaction. :-)
I'm really reminded that my life is not my own, it is God's. When Jesus poured out my sins on the Cross, His love won me over. And with that, my life is His, purchased by Him. My life is for God to use to bring people to Himself, and to hopefully reveal His glory and His character. If that means I weather cancer, that's ok. :-) If more people come to know God, His strength, His kindness, His joy, and His incredible love - it's really ok! There have been times in my life where I've wanted some friends and family to know the love of Christ and to live as though they know the love of Christ SO badly that I'd lay down my life for it, but then I quickly realize that Someone has already done that for them, and His name is Jesus. No one needs two Saviors, there can only be One! And believe me, any cheap imitation of Jesus is probably a crummy one.
A girlfriend of mine had texted this verse to me the day I found out I had cancer:
Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. - Isaiah 43:1-3a, NIV
I am God's, you are God's. We are His. He is with us, and He is our one true Savior. To know people are approaching Him on my behalf in prayer is not only incredibly selfless, but such an amazing act of love in His image. I couldn't be more grateful, and at times it is a challenge to simply receive the blessing because it's hard to not be overwhelmed by God's goodness! I truly believe my spiritual health is staying strong not just because of who He is, but also because of how many are rallying together to seek Him in prayer on my behalf. It's all a blessing I don't deserve, and I don't take one second for granted! Thank you, and every act of kindness does not go unnoticed!
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