There are good days, and there are bad days. Today maybe wasn't such a good day. I've been recovering from surgery and the sutures hurt a lot, and I've been taking pain medication as needed. The sutures are supposed to come out on October 24th at 1:30 pm, and I cannot wait, it will be so great! However, today I received the results of the surgery and lymph node biopsy. My oncologist gave me a call, and I knew. You see, when you are a cancer patient, you talk to the hospital pretty much every day, some times multiple times per day. My nurse had called earlier about my genetics results and said the oncologist was out of the office today. So when the oncologist actually called me, I knew it was unusual for him to be making the call. If it was better news, they'd most likely send a resident or someone more junior to give the news. I braced myself to receive news as to just how bad it might be. In short, the cancer has indeed spread to my lymph nodes and my cancer has now progressed to stage 3, at stage 3A to be exact.
I swallowed my tears, took a deep breath and tried to focus, I had to ask questions. "So what's next?" I muttered. The cancer was found in one of three of my lymph nodes, so the next step is a PET scan and a CT scan. Both of these scans will tell us if the cancer has reached other organs in my body. If the cancer has reached other organs in my body, then the cancer will progress to stage 4 and options become limited. The PET scan will require me to fast from food the morning of the test, as both scans will be on October 25th at 1:30 pm. The CT scan involves radiation, and so I'll find myself back in Nuclear Medicine with the radioactive dye, again. Those injections hurt, a lot. A lot.
The news also means another surgery, called a lymph node dissection. In other words, they have to go back in and remove more lymph nodes to determine if more lymph nodes have been impacted. This surgery seemed promising, as the oncologist said 1 out of 4 patients have additional impacted lymph nodes. Due to the size of the tumor I had, I'm truly not sure what to expect from this surgery.
I let my employer know, and I'm incredibly grateful for their support and compassion. The people I work with are an incredible blessing, and they expressed their desire for me to be healthy and they were so sorry I was having to weather this trial. God is so good to have blessed me with such an awesome work place!
As a confession, sure there are some moments of fear tempting me from today. The cancer has become more serious, and in the back of my mind I know chemotherapy remains a strong option if it gets any worse. Chemotherapy is very hard on a person's body, so we are trying to avoid that completely at the moment. If I don't have to do it, we don't want to do go there. At stage 3a, I will have to do immunotherapy for the next year. In other words, I'll be on a drug of the doctor's choice (and my choice too) to boost my immune system to fight the cancer for the next year. The first option is Interferon, the second option (and the one I'm leaning towards) is Pegylatnd, and the last resort in immunotherapy if the cancer is stage 3b or c will be Ipilimuma. Don't ask me how to pronounce any of those, haha!
My focus on Christ has tightened, and its true, having the support of family and friends makes a massive difference in the ability to stay strong and stay determined in the fight. God truly uses each person in my life to as His hands and feet to love me, show me compassion, and reveal His kindness. He is truly so trustworthy, and works EVERY little thing for our good and His. Sure, I have a lot of hopes and dreams. I'd love to get married someday, I'd love to have children, I'd love to be able to buy a house, but I realize those are not all up to me, they are up to God. The verse that comes to mind tonight as I settle in for what I hope to be a peaceful sleep is:
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:10-13, NIV
All we need is Jesus Christ. It's easy to say, easier to sing on Sunday, but I'm finding this to be more and more true with each day that passes. I've found there are loads of people out there that will give lots of their own free medical advice or are quick to tell me "how to diet my way to curing cancer" but what I need most is Jesus. At times, it can be difficult to answer the question, "what do you need?" or "how can I help?" because I truly don't know the answer to those questions most of the time. Beyond Jesus, I'm not really sure what I need. I've learned that this is really ok. The thing is, all of these people want to encourage in the ways they know how, and I love them dearly for it. God has given us grace beyond what we deserve, and I pray I live my life caught in His graciousness for the sake of His glory.
Your prayers are more than appreciated, they are being lifted to the Holy Most High God! I'm so blessed, beyond words, to know that people are seeking Him on my behalf. For people to take the time to seek God, for me, a mere servant in His grand kingdom, is so humbling. For people to take the time to even want to pray with me, its the most spiritually intimate exchange we can have this side of heaven - a conversation with a Holy God in all of our spiritual vulnerability. He is madly in love with us, and my heart is for Him. I'm not even sure there is an appropriate way to say....thank you!
I swallowed my tears, took a deep breath and tried to focus, I had to ask questions. "So what's next?" I muttered. The cancer was found in one of three of my lymph nodes, so the next step is a PET scan and a CT scan. Both of these scans will tell us if the cancer has reached other organs in my body. If the cancer has reached other organs in my body, then the cancer will progress to stage 4 and options become limited. The PET scan will require me to fast from food the morning of the test, as both scans will be on October 25th at 1:30 pm. The CT scan involves radiation, and so I'll find myself back in Nuclear Medicine with the radioactive dye, again. Those injections hurt, a lot. A lot.
The news also means another surgery, called a lymph node dissection. In other words, they have to go back in and remove more lymph nodes to determine if more lymph nodes have been impacted. This surgery seemed promising, as the oncologist said 1 out of 4 patients have additional impacted lymph nodes. Due to the size of the tumor I had, I'm truly not sure what to expect from this surgery.
I let my employer know, and I'm incredibly grateful for their support and compassion. The people I work with are an incredible blessing, and they expressed their desire for me to be healthy and they were so sorry I was having to weather this trial. God is so good to have blessed me with such an awesome work place!
As a confession, sure there are some moments of fear tempting me from today. The cancer has become more serious, and in the back of my mind I know chemotherapy remains a strong option if it gets any worse. Chemotherapy is very hard on a person's body, so we are trying to avoid that completely at the moment. If I don't have to do it, we don't want to do go there. At stage 3a, I will have to do immunotherapy for the next year. In other words, I'll be on a drug of the doctor's choice (and my choice too) to boost my immune system to fight the cancer for the next year. The first option is Interferon, the second option (and the one I'm leaning towards) is Pegylatnd, and the last resort in immunotherapy if the cancer is stage 3b or c will be Ipilimuma. Don't ask me how to pronounce any of those, haha!
My focus on Christ has tightened, and its true, having the support of family and friends makes a massive difference in the ability to stay strong and stay determined in the fight. God truly uses each person in my life to as His hands and feet to love me, show me compassion, and reveal His kindness. He is truly so trustworthy, and works EVERY little thing for our good and His. Sure, I have a lot of hopes and dreams. I'd love to get married someday, I'd love to have children, I'd love to be able to buy a house, but I realize those are not all up to me, they are up to God. The verse that comes to mind tonight as I settle in for what I hope to be a peaceful sleep is:
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:10-13, NIV
All we need is Jesus Christ. It's easy to say, easier to sing on Sunday, but I'm finding this to be more and more true with each day that passes. I've found there are loads of people out there that will give lots of their own free medical advice or are quick to tell me "how to diet my way to curing cancer" but what I need most is Jesus. At times, it can be difficult to answer the question, "what do you need?" or "how can I help?" because I truly don't know the answer to those questions most of the time. Beyond Jesus, I'm not really sure what I need. I've learned that this is really ok. The thing is, all of these people want to encourage in the ways they know how, and I love them dearly for it. God has given us grace beyond what we deserve, and I pray I live my life caught in His graciousness for the sake of His glory.
Your prayers are more than appreciated, they are being lifted to the Holy Most High God! I'm so blessed, beyond words, to know that people are seeking Him on my behalf. For people to take the time to seek God, for me, a mere servant in His grand kingdom, is so humbling. For people to take the time to even want to pray with me, its the most spiritually intimate exchange we can have this side of heaven - a conversation with a Holy God in all of our spiritual vulnerability. He is madly in love with us, and my heart is for Him. I'm not even sure there is an appropriate way to say....thank you!
Kristina,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your journey and your heart. I wish that I was more eloquent with words and could express the encouragement you've been to me. I barely know you. I remember meeting you at WWU via Courtney, and somewhere in the last 10 years becoming FB friends. Your posts and your faith in the Lord, through the journey of highs and lows has often spoken to my heart. Thank you for sharing your story. It is your ministry. You touch more people than you know. Your life is such a blessing and encouragement.
Know that you are in my prayers, friend.
Blessings,
Joy