I need to give some good news, though perhaps small in the grand scheme of what is going on, it is still a victory. I received my results from the BRAF genetic test back also. I'm sure a very limited amount of you actually know what that is, because I sure didn't when I learned about it! Basically the BRAF genetic test is where a lab takes DNA from my original biopsy to determine if the cancer I have is due to a genetic mutation in my DNA that I will pass on to my children - should I ever have any. A positive reading would mean that I am a carrier, carrying around a gene in my DNA for malignant melanoma cancer. Likewise, negative would mean that I am NOT a carrier and my genes do not have the mutation, and furthermore it would also mean that I did NOT receive it from my parents (as you can imagine, testing positive for BRAF can be very strenuous on the parents of a cancer patient - often times leading to depression or guilt). So.....
MY KIDS WILL NOT HAVE CANCER! Yep, I tested negative! Woot! Small victory, but I'll take it!
Today I received some flowers from a girlfriend of mine, they are so beautiful! For those who don't know, I love flowers. There is just something so natural about them, that God made them and told the rose to unfold keeps me in awe of His presence. Flowers light up a room, and I'm so grateful for them. I also received a card from a lady I do not know, who told me about how God had put it on her heart to send cards to people. She lives in a small town and has committed to pray for me daily, and it was so encouraging. Then I received a small package from a sorority sister of mine who gave me a bracelet that she wore when she had a miscarriage, she said it encouraged her because it had the scripture Philippians 4:13 inscribed on it. I was beyond honored to receive such a gift! This morning, I met with a brilliant and talented lady I know through work who is a lymphoma survivor. She is amazing! This lady not only loves Jesus, but kept working full-time all through her chemotherapy (and is a Mom of two kids)! Such an inspiration, and a great encouragement to me. She blessed me by giving me a cross she received when she was in Jerusalem, Israel (for work under the State Department) that she wore during her treatment. I was incredibly humbled by such a thoughtful gift. And tonight, a dear friend came to visit me. We prayed together, and caught up on old times. It was such a blessed moment. Well, I could honestly write for DAYS about how God has been blessing me through people in my life (and there are not enough blog pages for me to tell you how thankful I am for my family, close friends, church, and employer!). But, while we may want to ask, "why does God let bad things happen?" Tonight I wondered, "well, why does God let so many good things happen?" Truth is, He is a gracious and loving God.
It's not easy to admit that I'm a sinner, not sure its easy for any of us. But for us to grasp how radical God's grace is, and how deep and amazing His love is - even to grasp a fraction of it, we have to be willing to come to grips with how radical of a sinner we are. Do we even realize what God has saved us from? All that to say, I'm finding myself just so thankful, so very very thankful. ALL of it is an undeserved blessing.
I've heard people say, "But you are a good person, why is this happening to YOU?" To be honest, I'm a sinner. Just like you. Just like everyone else. Who gets to decide who is good, and who is not good? Certainly we wouldn't leave that up to society, or our own finite minds. God decides who is good, and to be honest, we all fall short of His glory. Thankfully, He loves us more than life itself (as He demonstrated on the Cross) and fights for our hearts because we need Him to be any kind of good.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. - Romans 5:6, NIV
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8, NIV
He is truly good. I've learned that anger or resentment towards God is really when God does not do what we expect Him to do. We may expect Him to heal us, we may expect Him to give us a new job, we may expect Him to give us a spouse, we may expect Him to give us healthy children, and we may expect Him to never let anything bad happen. But God cannot be tamed by our prayers. We do not tell Him what to do, and He does it. God is not a cosmic Santa Claus. Thankfully, I've learned that God is a loving Father who gives His children what they need - in ways we can never imagine. Sometimes it takes years for us to learn what God was really doing was for our good, and His. Sometimes we just need to trust that we are not God, and He is. He knows what He is doing. If He created the universe, certainly He is orchestrating our lives for all beauty and glory. However, God DOES hear our cries as the bible says all throughout. As a Father loves His children, He hears us and wipes our tears, holds our hearts, holds our hands, and answers us in bigger, better ways far more than we can imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
Tomorrow is another day. It's another day in the battle. My battle is focusing on God, and staying in the present. I have to fight the "what ifs" that want to creep in, and fight the fears sparked by seeing "End of Life Care" brochures at the Cancer Care Center in the hospitality room. I'm challenged more now than ever to not only suffer well for God's glory, but to also love well for God's glory. Fear is not from God, anxiety is not from God - and sometimes it takes embracing those fears and anxieties to simply work through them for peace and greater wisdom that we ask for from God. I'm thankful for you - who reads this - and so grateful for everyone who labors this journey with me, and words cannot say how grateful I am for your prayers. For asking God, for seeking Him on my behalf, as I've said, is the most loving thing someone can do. All the little things, the "little blessings" are actually very big blessings to me! Blessed with another day....
MY KIDS WILL NOT HAVE CANCER! Yep, I tested negative! Woot! Small victory, but I'll take it!
Today I received some flowers from a girlfriend of mine, they are so beautiful! For those who don't know, I love flowers. There is just something so natural about them, that God made them and told the rose to unfold keeps me in awe of His presence. Flowers light up a room, and I'm so grateful for them. I also received a card from a lady I do not know, who told me about how God had put it on her heart to send cards to people. She lives in a small town and has committed to pray for me daily, and it was so encouraging. Then I received a small package from a sorority sister of mine who gave me a bracelet that she wore when she had a miscarriage, she said it encouraged her because it had the scripture Philippians 4:13 inscribed on it. I was beyond honored to receive such a gift! This morning, I met with a brilliant and talented lady I know through work who is a lymphoma survivor. She is amazing! This lady not only loves Jesus, but kept working full-time all through her chemotherapy (and is a Mom of two kids)! Such an inspiration, and a great encouragement to me. She blessed me by giving me a cross she received when she was in Jerusalem, Israel (for work under the State Department) that she wore during her treatment. I was incredibly humbled by such a thoughtful gift. And tonight, a dear friend came to visit me. We prayed together, and caught up on old times. It was such a blessed moment. Well, I could honestly write for DAYS about how God has been blessing me through people in my life (and there are not enough blog pages for me to tell you how thankful I am for my family, close friends, church, and employer!). But, while we may want to ask, "why does God let bad things happen?" Tonight I wondered, "well, why does God let so many good things happen?" Truth is, He is a gracious and loving God.
It's not easy to admit that I'm a sinner, not sure its easy for any of us. But for us to grasp how radical God's grace is, and how deep and amazing His love is - even to grasp a fraction of it, we have to be willing to come to grips with how radical of a sinner we are. Do we even realize what God has saved us from? All that to say, I'm finding myself just so thankful, so very very thankful. ALL of it is an undeserved blessing.
I've heard people say, "But you are a good person, why is this happening to YOU?" To be honest, I'm a sinner. Just like you. Just like everyone else. Who gets to decide who is good, and who is not good? Certainly we wouldn't leave that up to society, or our own finite minds. God decides who is good, and to be honest, we all fall short of His glory. Thankfully, He loves us more than life itself (as He demonstrated on the Cross) and fights for our hearts because we need Him to be any kind of good.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. - Romans 5:6, NIV
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8, NIV
He is truly good. I've learned that anger or resentment towards God is really when God does not do what we expect Him to do. We may expect Him to heal us, we may expect Him to give us a new job, we may expect Him to give us a spouse, we may expect Him to give us healthy children, and we may expect Him to never let anything bad happen. But God cannot be tamed by our prayers. We do not tell Him what to do, and He does it. God is not a cosmic Santa Claus. Thankfully, I've learned that God is a loving Father who gives His children what they need - in ways we can never imagine. Sometimes it takes years for us to learn what God was really doing was for our good, and His. Sometimes we just need to trust that we are not God, and He is. He knows what He is doing. If He created the universe, certainly He is orchestrating our lives for all beauty and glory. However, God DOES hear our cries as the bible says all throughout. As a Father loves His children, He hears us and wipes our tears, holds our hearts, holds our hands, and answers us in bigger, better ways far more than we can imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
Tomorrow is another day. It's another day in the battle. My battle is focusing on God, and staying in the present. I have to fight the "what ifs" that want to creep in, and fight the fears sparked by seeing "End of Life Care" brochures at the Cancer Care Center in the hospitality room. I'm challenged more now than ever to not only suffer well for God's glory, but to also love well for God's glory. Fear is not from God, anxiety is not from God - and sometimes it takes embracing those fears and anxieties to simply work through them for peace and greater wisdom that we ask for from God. I'm thankful for you - who reads this - and so grateful for everyone who labors this journey with me, and words cannot say how grateful I am for your prayers. For asking God, for seeking Him on my behalf, as I've said, is the most loving thing someone can do. All the little things, the "little blessings" are actually very big blessings to me! Blessed with another day....
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