Anything the surgeon says, is what goes - or so I'm learning. Today the oncological surgeon gave me a call regarding my next surgery. I have to say, she has a ton of patience! Evidently, my case had become a little administratively disorganized....she said my oncologist should have scheduled an appointment for her to go over my pathology in person so I wouldn't have had to find out I was stage 3A over the phone. But now hopefully we're all back on track, and my next surgery will be what they call a Lymph Node Dissection. The surgery has been scheduled for Friday November 9th, not sure what time yet. The surgery will be extensive, more extensive than the last surgery. They plan on removing more lymph nodes, not super sure from where exactly just yet but I'd imagine in the same region as the last incision. The will be attaching tubes to the incision at the end of the surgery as drains to drain excess blood as the incision heals. I will have to be hooked up to the drains for 7-10 days....as you can imagine, this may complicate coordinating outfits! I was also instructed to take a week off of work, sigh. Thing is, I actually do love my job!
Separate from the upcoming surgery are the two scans I have on Thursday at 1:30 pm to see if cancer has spread to other organs in my body. One is a PET scan and the other is a CT scan. So apparently sugar can kill a cancer patient?! Who knew. I was instructed to not eat ANY form of sugar the morning of the PET scan including fruit, milk, wine, breads, pastas, sweets of any kind, gum, etc. This is because cancer feeds off of sugar! Yep, sugar is what cancer needs to eat, grow, and spread. So, eating cakes, cookies, cupcakes, wine, and ice cream is like a death wish for a cancer patient. I had no idea until they explained the scans to me last week. You see, just before the PET scan, they inject me with radioactive sugar dye and wait an hour for it to travel throughout my body. Then they run you through some kind of screen and they see where ever on your body that the "sugar" is collected, is where there are cancer cells - using the sugar to feed and grow. Evidently when you have cancer, sugar will immediately get picked up by cancer cells because that is what cancer cells need to survive. Crazy, huh!? So, needless to say, I have to stay away from that stuff for a while (MAJOR bummer because for one - it's the holidays! ...and two, I love sweets!).
This past Saturday, I received a postcard from the Tim Tebow Foundation!!! Yes! I was so excited! Not everyday you get a postcard from them to tell you they are praying for you! They mentioned they have been reading this blog also, and I was so humbled! God is so good! I pray He continues to use this entire experience for His glory alone. Not sure if Timmy himself was behind it, but some say it looks like guy handwriting, haha, so who knows?! I'm just so grateful to know brothers and sisters in Christ are seeking God for Him to bring glory out of this!
I'm learning to take it easy, which has not been super easy to learn. I want to go and see and do things, I really do, especially with friends. But the truth is, my energy is very limited and I still have side effects from pain meds. I still have loads of bruises and scabs from where I was poked with IVs, injections, or various wires and tubes. I hate that it has to be this way and that I can't do what I normally do - not even ride horses (which I LOVE to do), but I have to be kind to my body. Sounds boring, I know. Please pray that I will not be a "people pleaser" and will be better at saying "no" to activities beyond my strength. Friends and family will need to understand that in this season, I have to have limits. I'm not able to go out for wine, or fro-yo, but can go out for a dinner, or bible study most of the time. Basically, I have to pay attention to when I get tired or don't feel well. I'll usually just "push through" when those times come, but now I have to be more measured.
I can tell you that through messages of encouragement, scripture, home visits, prayer, phone calls, texts, and emails (and more!) I have been so incredibly blessed by people in my life. It is true, having people speak truth into your life, having people speak the word of God into your life, and also having people just care through compassion, prayer and support is incredibly encouraging. I can easily see how it urges one on to continue the fight, and to fight cancer hard. I can also easily see how one who is battling cancer might feel alone....when you hear talk such as, "you'll be recovering for 7-10 days with a drain tube hooked up to your incision" it also creates thoughts such as, "great, I'll be at home the entire time, halfway drugged up on pain meds and the other half stuck at home because of medical equipment attached to me....my friends might find that I'm boring since I can't be as mobile....I'll be forgotten...." However, this is where I'm quick to remind myself of this:
For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. - Deuteronomy 20:4, NIV
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. - Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV
While there may be times in our lives when we feel that God is not with us, we can hold fast to these truths. God's promises are NOT dependent on how we feel, and they are certainly not dependent on our circumstances. God has made a promise to NEVER leave you, and to fight FOR you. I'm not alone in this battle. Even if every person in my life turned around and walked out on me at this very minute, I still would not be alone. God Himself has promised to be with me. Everyone else is seriously an amazing, undeserved blessing in my life. There are times when I am so grateful for God coming to me in the form of family and friends, to be alongside of me, that I'm moved to get down on my knees before the Lord and thank Him for His deep kindness, mercy, and love. Please know none of it is taken for granted. While we can certainly not take anything of material value whatsoever into Heaven with us, we can certainly take our relationships with others into His beautiful Home for us. One day, I hope to see the faces of the same people who have been loving me well through this illness as a part of the celebration party that welcomes them into Heaven (or vice versa years and years from now.... I *will* beat cancer!).
At times, I hear from people I haven't heard from in years....simply to tell me they are praying for me. At times, I hear from complete strangers to tell me they are praying for me. Because of the grace of our loving God, and His desire to provide for me, I'm moved beyond words to see His love in action in this way. To me, you are His hands and His feet. To me, this is the motivating factor in fighting cancer - His love, given to me through you and the opportunity to be His love to you and others. Love wins all battles, love never ever fails (1 Corinthians 13:8), just as love won on the Cross that day on Calvary.
I can tell you that through messages of encouragement, scripture, home visits, prayer, phone calls, texts, and emails (and more!) I have been so incredibly blessed by people in my life. It is true, having people speak truth into your life, having people speak the word of God into your life, and also having people just care through compassion, prayer and support is incredibly encouraging. I can easily see how it urges one on to continue the fight, and to fight cancer hard. I can also easily see how one who is battling cancer might feel alone....when you hear talk such as, "you'll be recovering for 7-10 days with a drain tube hooked up to your incision" it also creates thoughts such as, "great, I'll be at home the entire time, halfway drugged up on pain meds and the other half stuck at home because of medical equipment attached to me....my friends might find that I'm boring since I can't be as mobile....I'll be forgotten...." However, this is where I'm quick to remind myself of this:
For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. - Deuteronomy 20:4, NIV
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. - Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV
While there may be times in our lives when we feel that God is not with us, we can hold fast to these truths. God's promises are NOT dependent on how we feel, and they are certainly not dependent on our circumstances. God has made a promise to NEVER leave you, and to fight FOR you. I'm not alone in this battle. Even if every person in my life turned around and walked out on me at this very minute, I still would not be alone. God Himself has promised to be with me. Everyone else is seriously an amazing, undeserved blessing in my life. There are times when I am so grateful for God coming to me in the form of family and friends, to be alongside of me, that I'm moved to get down on my knees before the Lord and thank Him for His deep kindness, mercy, and love. Please know none of it is taken for granted. While we can certainly not take anything of material value whatsoever into Heaven with us, we can certainly take our relationships with others into His beautiful Home for us. One day, I hope to see the faces of the same people who have been loving me well through this illness as a part of the celebration party that welcomes them into Heaven (or vice versa years and years from now.... I *will* beat cancer!).
At times, I hear from people I haven't heard from in years....simply to tell me they are praying for me. At times, I hear from complete strangers to tell me they are praying for me. Because of the grace of our loving God, and His desire to provide for me, I'm moved beyond words to see His love in action in this way. To me, you are His hands and His feet. To me, this is the motivating factor in fighting cancer - His love, given to me through you and the opportunity to be His love to you and others. Love wins all battles, love never ever fails (1 Corinthians 13:8), just as love won on the Cross that day on Calvary.
You are lovely. I was just sent your blog by a friend...what a powerful story that God is writing through you. May you continue to hope in Him, and may the prayers of myself and so many others help give you the strength to do so, even when dark days come. Thank you for sharing your story!
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