I know, an unexpected blog since I wrote one yesterday. However, it's 11:30 pm the night before surgery and I'm just praising the Lord out of a heart full of thankfulness. Tonight the elders at my local church huddled and prayed for me at their meeting. It was so special to me, as I've never been to an elders meeting and received church leaders praying over me before! God's kindness is truly revealed in so many ways, and I know it was God who was encouraging me through the elders as He often does with friends and family as well, even co-workers too! The prayers lifted up my heart and were so full of wisdom and truth. I'm truly so grateful for such a caring local church, and humble God fearing elders who care so deeply about the word of God. It was just such an honor for my brothers in Christ to serve me in such a way as praying over me! It truly has me in awe of God as to how He chooses to care for His children, and how we get to be a part of it.
On another note, my sweet friend Amy offered to pray over me as well tonight when she came over to visit! So Amy, myself, my roommate Sarah, my Mom and my friend Stephanie huddled together while Amy prayed, it was such an incredibly blessed moment. I've tried explaining to a few people just how much it means to me to know people are praying for me and to actually have people praying for me, but I'm not sure words do it justice - they are just words after all. Just to know a person - a person with a heart and feelings is taking time out of their day to go before our Holy God and seek Him on my behalf is overwhelmingly humbling to me. I truly don't deserve it, but my word is God so incredibly good to use people in my life in such an intimate and gracious way. I mean, this is JESUS they are asking!! Jesus, the sinless Son of God who chose to lay down His life for us because He loved us more than life itself. The people that pray for me are asking JESUS to heal me, to guide me, to lift me up, to comfort me, to give me peace, to give me wisdom. This is JESUS they are going to for me, a mere servant, just a totally regular person. If there's ever a time when I'm reminded of how incredibly small I am, and how incredibly big God is - it's probably when people say they are praying for me.
He must become greater; I must become less. - John 3:30, NIV
And I'm happy to be so small, because God is truly the One who deserves all the glory. I say this as I'm not trying to be humble here, but I really do mean it when I say: EVERYTHING I have in this life is because of Jesus Christ Himself. My attitude throughout this entire trial, my strength, my courage, my peace, my wisdom and knowledge, my ability to love, my ability to give grace even when I don't feel like it, my comfort, my friends, my family, my job, my apartment where I sleep and lay my head at night... (I could go on for hours).... it's all because of how amazingly good and kind God is, and it's important to know - that even if I didn't have anything to my name, it doesn't change that God is still incredibly good and trustworthy.
I was thinking today, as someone had asked me about the cancer I have, and I had to describe it as "advanced." A flash went through my mind remembering a time in my life where I loved the word "advanced" especially when it was describing the kind of classes I took at school: "Oh she's in the advanced placement history class." Or even describing my ability to ride horses, "She rides at the advanced level." But this is the one time in my life where I wanted to run from the word "advanced" and never look back. It's all surreal hearing yourself talk about "your cancer" with someone. It feels kind of like it's a weird dream, like it's not really you that you are talking about. For me, I don't let this get me scared or worked up. I just trust Jesus. I don't need to wear any "lucky" socks or entertain the idea that anything else can manipulate the handiwork of God. After all, God is bigger than everything and there is no such thing as luck when it comes to the plan of God. He is in control and it is all in His hands.
As a confession, I went and got a manicure and pedicure yesterday. You see, you can't wear any jewelry in surgery, and you certainly can't wear any hair products or make-up. What is a girl to do!? BUT.....I've figured out a way around this, nail polish. Yes, that's right. I got pink nail polish painted on my finger nails and toe nails, and they won't make me take it off for surgery either! I like to be girly, and this is a little way I still get to do that on surgery day, ha! This too, though small and mostly for my fun amusement and joy, is still a little God hug as I believe the little blessings bring Him joy too!
I wrapped up most of my projects and emails at work since I'll be off the radar for a few business days. It was kind of sad leaving the office as I've developed good friendships at the office and truly care about the people I work with. They all have been so kind to me and so supportive as I walk through this battle with cancer. It's an incredible comfort to know the people I work with are praying for me and have been there to help me out with any loose ends at work. I look forward to hopefully going back to the office stronger and better than before, as I hope to continue to live out Colossians 3:23, NIV.
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. - Colossians 3:23, NIV
Before I was diagnosed, I had plans to travel to Texas on November 9th and to spend a week working out of our office in Houston for a host of strategic meetings. This would have also allowed me to see family and friends but clearly plans have changed. We are still hopeful that I can fly to Houston the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to see my family and friends, and will play it all by ear. God has everything planned out, and we can trust His compassion and grace. He is so wise, so much wiser than any of us, and I know He is up to something really cool (as one of the elders at our church would say) whenever someone is going through a tough trial. I believe that to be very true, and I'm so thankful it is true. There is no amount of pain or suffering that is wasted, God uses it all to turn it into something incredibly beautiful - we just can't be quick to judge Him before the story ends. He is always faithful, always trustworthy, always good, always patient with us, and always knows what lies ahead of us.
On another note, my sweet friend Amy offered to pray over me as well tonight when she came over to visit! So Amy, myself, my roommate Sarah, my Mom and my friend Stephanie huddled together while Amy prayed, it was such an incredibly blessed moment. I've tried explaining to a few people just how much it means to me to know people are praying for me and to actually have people praying for me, but I'm not sure words do it justice - they are just words after all. Just to know a person - a person with a heart and feelings is taking time out of their day to go before our Holy God and seek Him on my behalf is overwhelmingly humbling to me. I truly don't deserve it, but my word is God so incredibly good to use people in my life in such an intimate and gracious way. I mean, this is JESUS they are asking!! Jesus, the sinless Son of God who chose to lay down His life for us because He loved us more than life itself. The people that pray for me are asking JESUS to heal me, to guide me, to lift me up, to comfort me, to give me peace, to give me wisdom. This is JESUS they are going to for me, a mere servant, just a totally regular person. If there's ever a time when I'm reminded of how incredibly small I am, and how incredibly big God is - it's probably when people say they are praying for me.
He must become greater; I must become less. - John 3:30, NIV
And I'm happy to be so small, because God is truly the One who deserves all the glory. I say this as I'm not trying to be humble here, but I really do mean it when I say: EVERYTHING I have in this life is because of Jesus Christ Himself. My attitude throughout this entire trial, my strength, my courage, my peace, my wisdom and knowledge, my ability to love, my ability to give grace even when I don't feel like it, my comfort, my friends, my family, my job, my apartment where I sleep and lay my head at night... (I could go on for hours).... it's all because of how amazingly good and kind God is, and it's important to know - that even if I didn't have anything to my name, it doesn't change that God is still incredibly good and trustworthy.
I was thinking today, as someone had asked me about the cancer I have, and I had to describe it as "advanced." A flash went through my mind remembering a time in my life where I loved the word "advanced" especially when it was describing the kind of classes I took at school: "Oh she's in the advanced placement history class." Or even describing my ability to ride horses, "She rides at the advanced level." But this is the one time in my life where I wanted to run from the word "advanced" and never look back. It's all surreal hearing yourself talk about "your cancer" with someone. It feels kind of like it's a weird dream, like it's not really you that you are talking about. For me, I don't let this get me scared or worked up. I just trust Jesus. I don't need to wear any "lucky" socks or entertain the idea that anything else can manipulate the handiwork of God. After all, God is bigger than everything and there is no such thing as luck when it comes to the plan of God. He is in control and it is all in His hands.
As a confession, I went and got a manicure and pedicure yesterday. You see, you can't wear any jewelry in surgery, and you certainly can't wear any hair products or make-up. What is a girl to do!? BUT.....I've figured out a way around this, nail polish. Yes, that's right. I got pink nail polish painted on my finger nails and toe nails, and they won't make me take it off for surgery either! I like to be girly, and this is a little way I still get to do that on surgery day, ha! This too, though small and mostly for my fun amusement and joy, is still a little God hug as I believe the little blessings bring Him joy too!
I wrapped up most of my projects and emails at work since I'll be off the radar for a few business days. It was kind of sad leaving the office as I've developed good friendships at the office and truly care about the people I work with. They all have been so kind to me and so supportive as I walk through this battle with cancer. It's an incredible comfort to know the people I work with are praying for me and have been there to help me out with any loose ends at work. I look forward to hopefully going back to the office stronger and better than before, as I hope to continue to live out Colossians 3:23, NIV.
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. - Colossians 3:23, NIV
Before I was diagnosed, I had plans to travel to Texas on November 9th and to spend a week working out of our office in Houston for a host of strategic meetings. This would have also allowed me to see family and friends but clearly plans have changed. We are still hopeful that I can fly to Houston the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to see my family and friends, and will play it all by ear. God has everything planned out, and we can trust His compassion and grace. He is so wise, so much wiser than any of us, and I know He is up to something really cool (as one of the elders at our church would say) whenever someone is going through a tough trial. I believe that to be very true, and I'm so thankful it is true. There is no amount of pain or suffering that is wasted, God uses it all to turn it into something incredibly beautiful - we just can't be quick to judge Him before the story ends. He is always faithful, always trustworthy, always good, always patient with us, and always knows what lies ahead of us.
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