Since this is my last weekend of being able to get around and be active for a while (as I have an extensive surgery coming up this Friday), I decided to go horseback riding! For those of you that know me, I love horses and go riding every week or so out at Hidden Hills Horse Farm in Frederick, Maryland. It's so peaceful, just rolling green hills as far as the eye can see. No noise except the sound of horses munching on grass and running around. It's beautiful, it is a masterpiece of tranquility, and loads of God's beauty all around. I usually try to get out there once a week to unwind, relax, and force myself to think about something else other than the busy-ness of city life for a few hours. It's wonderful, a blessing, and it never ever gets old. I usually ride two different horses, both are dark bay thoroughbreds who were formally race horses and now do show jumping. One is Remi (or "Remington"), who is 7 years old - but acts about 3 years old some times, so he can be really funny and playful! Rolex is the other, he is 16 years old, wiser and mature. Both are very sweet, faithful, so well-trained (thanks to Kathryn - their awesome trainer!), and very honest. (Pics below: Rolex is the first photo, Remi is the second photo)
I learn a lot from these two four-legged guys! God often teaches me that He has everything under control, and there really is no reason for my worry if I'm seeking Him. When I ride, I have to give the horse guidance where to go and correct him if he starts to go off course. The horse has to trust me to help him get his distance to each fence we jump, so he doesn't fall or knock down the fence. Sometimes you ride horses that do not want to trust you, and you have to teach them to trust you - which is for their own good, so they won't hurt themselves. This often makes me think of my walk with God - I have to trust Him to show me where to go, and God has shown me over and over that He is so trustworthy. Trusting God is for my own good. Just as the horses trust a person to feed them daily, we must also trust that God will provide a way for us to eat if we are hungry. For me, taking time to get out of my "everyday-life" and visit these furry guys helps me to refocus on God and to remember that Jesus also came so we could have abundant life. Abundant life doesn't necessarily mean material prosperity by any means, but I believe abundant life means freedom in Christ. There are so many simple joys around us that God blesses us with, we can often fail to notice them unless we take the time to allow ourselves to see God loving us through small, intimate ways only personal to our relationship with Him. This verse has especially shown me God's faithfulness and trustworthiness this week, as it really moved my heart:
Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. - Deuteronomy 8:2-3, NIV
Last week, my Mom brought my cat up to Washington, DC to live with me also! Dolley is a 6 year-old, orange Maine Coon looking cat I rescued from a cat shelter in 2005. She has been living with my Mom for a while, and Mom brought her up here to help keep me company as I will be spending a good amount of time in recovery these coming weeks. And not to mention, I will most likely be working from home a number of days when I start Interferon immunotherapy treatment (side effects pending).
I've realized that while this journey is not an easy one, I often have so many incredible blessings along the way. Some cancer patients I've interacted with (through various support groups, online communities for patients, and meeting some at regular hospital visits) seem to become bitter or angry with people, and/or God in the process. I've noticed at times their deep disappointments in people especially have caused them to hurt even worse in their journey with this disease. My friend Marian Jordan once said, "Bitterness comes from unmet expectations." I've carried this nugget of wisdom with me, and have truly prayed for my fulfillment and hope to come from Christ alone as I walk through cancer. People are bound to disappoint us, but I believe we can free them up from causing us disappointment if we hold fast to God's promises. It's not a hard and fast rule necessarily, but a practice that has greatly encouraged me and has allowed me to see anything anyone does or says (no matter how awkward they think it might be!) as just such a sweet blessing to me. People will often say to friends or family of mine that they just aren't sure what to say to me, and perhaps you feel this way with someone who is walking through a trial in your life. While I can't make any guarantees for them, I can tell you that even the simplest words of encouragement or scripture are so life-giving and such an undeserved blessing. Often times the most comforting thing is just YOU! It's such a moving act of kindness any time a human being lays aside their own self-interest to reach out and comfort another, and in that I believe God is so very present, it's His love! If we are too focused on our own hurt, suffering, anger, or bitterness - we will completely miss the blessings that God is giving us along the way, and fail to see His massive of display of love for us as we walk through our trials.
I've been asked to share about my experience of God's grace to me as I've been walking through cancer this Sunday night at church to the whole congregation. Please pray God uses me to display His glory! I could not be more serious when I say this: ALL of the blessings out of this entire situation have been of the Lord Himself, and certainly not because of anything I have done or said. By God's grace alone, He has prepared me to walk through this and has opened the doors that He has. By His grace, He has restored relationships in my life the last month that would have otherwise stayed broken. By His grace, He has shown me His love in the most unexpected and incredible ways. By His grace, He has allowed me to have such a great job with an awesome employer who is so supportive of me in this battle on cancer. By His grace, He has allowed me to have some wonderful conversations with people about who Jesus is and share His love with others who may not know Him. By His grace, He has shown His love and care for me through my local church and so many wonderful friends/family.
This Monday I have my final surgical visitation with my oncological surgeon before my surgery. She'll be removing the last of the sutures from my previous surgery (THANK THE LORD!!!), and evaluating my incision. Once it's healed up a bit more, I'll post a before and after photo. Modern medicine truly amazes me. The incision looked horrendous at first (to the non-medical eye, of course!), but now seems to be healing up nicely. With certain care, I'm told the scar may even get to a point where you can barely see it! After Monday, I'll be able to sleep on my left side - FINALLY - at least up until Friday!
If I haven't said it before, thanks so much for following this journey with me. I know it seems impersonal to be reading someone's blog, but please know that God sees, and He knows you are reading it. It's so personal to me to know someone cares enough to read these updates, but more so that someone takes the time to pray for me. These blog updates often help ME understand exactly what doctors are saying and I pray God is glorified in the process. He is so good, and please know you are evidence of that. Thank you! :-)
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